So Lucky...

"He's so lucky."

"They're so lucky".

I've heard some variation of these comments every single day for almost the last three years.  It used to piss me off.  I used to really get my back up and argue that no child should be considered lucky to have a family, to have a mom to kiss boo boos and tuck them in to bed at night.  To have a father who will teach them how to hit a baseball.  Every child should know the love of a family, right?  To have my children potentially hear that they are somehow lucky to be loved...well, that is going to single them out, right?  Maybe I don't want that. 

For many months, I argued that WE are the lucky ones.  We get the opportunity to love these children and to be their parents.  You know...this second trip to China and this second adoption have sort of changed my perspective.  I can't put my finger on why. 

Maybe I've seen my surroundings with a little more clarity.  Maybe I've spent more time really pondering what my children's lives would be like if we had not entered the picture.  Maybe I'm wondering "is there more I can do"? 

When we arrived in Beijing, our driver was very taken with Zack.  Big surprise.  Most Chinese people we meet do find Zack to be quite enchanting.  Most people in generally are drawn to Zack.  It is what it is.  I find him to be pretty stinking adorable most of the time - but I am his mom.  Anyhoo...the driver said to us - very seriously - "You have changed this child's fate".  OK.  Whatever. I know he meant that to be nice and I responded appropriately. 

We did not adopt to change anyone's fate.  Or to save children.  Or to rescue anyone.  Or to do any sort of good deed or our Christian duty.  Yeah...I know what some of the scripture says and I don't dispute it...but we adopted selfishly.  We wanted to be parents.  We wanted to grow our family. 

Sitting here in my hotel - on what may be my last night in China - I feel very conflicted.  I want to leave so badly.  We've had a horrible trip and I'm ready to just move on.  But part of me wants to stay and part of me wants to come back.  These beautiful children that China has "allowed us the opportunity to adopt" have stolen my heart and changed my purpose. 

Here are some pictures of our last couple of days:

When your three year old says "take a picture of my belly"...well...you just do!

Lunch at Lucy's.  For some reason, I've had trouble eating since we've been in China. I've lost about 10 pounds pretty quickly and while I'm happy about that on one level...I needed to eat.  The heat has messed with my appetite but a hamburger and a beer...just what the doctor ordered. 

This is the residential neighborhood right outside our very nice hotel.  I had a hard time looking at this.  We are pretty simple people but this is very far from how we live. 

Here is a shot of our hotel...such a contrast. 

Right outside the hotel...the apartments over the shopping street. 

Zack's limitations having one hand...

 



Shamian Island

 Spontaneous brother hug. 

This one totally gets "say cheese". 

I might have posted this picture before...this was one of our first "sharing" moments.  I guess we should caption this "is his stuff better than mine?"

Ridin' Dirty.  Oh yeah.  We rock the double stroller now. 

Such interesting sights and smells.  I have no idea what most of this stuff is.  I recognized mushrooms and seahorses....perhaps some deer "junk"...not really sure.

Right outside our hotel...this area is always hopping. 

 

 

Hope you peeps out there enjoy the pictures.  We are very appreciative of all of the love and support that has come our way over the past three days - our adoption community ROCKS and I'd like to send a big shoutout to my parents - especially my mom - for being so much in our corner.  This hellish week has changed my perspective in so many ways.  As for the "you have changed his fate"...I can't argue with that.  Joining our family certainly has changed things for our two little boys.  But they have changed ours as well.