One Year With Zack

Taken about 2 hours after our first meeting.  He'd agreed to let us care for him and meet his needs without screaming his head off, but he was still very suspicious about both of us. 

 



 

Just shy of one year with our family - fearless 

Exactly one year ago today, Lee and I met a very wary little boy in the Civil Affairs office in Taiyuan, China.  What a ride it has been.  In a year, Zack has settled in nicely at our home in England.  He’s made two trips to the United States, one to Ireland and one to China to bring his brother home.  Planes, trains and automobiles – he’s turned in to a great little traveler. 

Zack is a great eater – remarkably unfussy.  Noodles are unquestionably his favorite thing to eat.  He would have them three times a day if we permitted that.  He loves animals, the playground – especially the sand pit, the pool and everyone he meets is a friend.  He’s got an extremely sunny disposition – except when he doesn’t.  Zack’s temper goes from zero to sixty in about half a second if he perceives the world isn’t going the way he thinks it ought to be going.  Fortunately, these moments are short lived.

Zack loves our cat – it is not a mutual love but Henry seems resigned to something akin to a fond tolerance.  Zack loves his family, but usually seems to prefer his daddy. 

He is talking up a storm and lost all of his Chinese language at about 6-8 months home.  He speaks in complete, simple sentences and is using pronouns, talks about emotions and feelings (happy, sad, sleepy, funny), sings at the top of his lungs constantly, counts to ten, tells me he loves me several times a day, and is very independent – “I do it” and “I do it myself” is a phrase I hear frequently.  He’s about 95 percent potty trained and when we get done being the gypsies that we have been for the past month and get home, he’ll be in underwear during the day.  He rarely has accidents and is usually dry all night.  All of the travel and lack of schedule is keeping him in a pull up for now. 

Bringing him in to our family was the best decision that Lee and I ever made.  I can’t believe it has been an entire year.  As we celebrate our first “Gotcha Day” we look forward to many more.  I hope that Zack continues to live his life with the zest he has now and that he continues to settle in to his role as brother.  Sharing his possessions and his parents has not been an easy adjustment, but as I watched two little boys in a shopping cart today giggle and take turns playing “got your nose”…I am pretty confident that adjustment will come. 

I haven't mentioned Zack's "special need" because honestly - it isn't an issue.  Hasn't been and won't be.  He's got practically no right hand.  He's got a bit of a stump that he can flex a bit.  He'll write with his left hand, obviously.  He can climb a ladder, playground equipment, throw/catch a ball, ride a tricycle and a scooter and probably do damn near anything else he chooses to do.  He's probably "behind" in learning to pull up his pants, but he's catching up, and I seriously doubt that I'm going to send him off to kindergarten without him being able to do that.  It's a noticeable issue, sure.  It usually isn't the first thing people notice and he's going to have to find his own way with the questions, stares, and ignorant comments, such as "what happened to his hand?"  My standard response is "nothing happened to it" or "oh my gosh...Zack, your hand!" depending on my mood.  Soon, Zack will find his own preferred way of managing that.  Right now, I really don't think he grasps that his anatomy is any different from anyone elses. 

Happy “Gotcha Day” Zack.  I know that my telling you that you’d been with your family for a full year this morning doesn’t mean anything to you yet…but I hope that someday soon that this will be a fun day that we can take to celebrate you and rejoice that you’re in our lives, which is exactly where I think you belong. 

 

 

So Lucky...

"He's so lucky."

"They're so lucky".

I've heard some variation of these comments every single day for almost the last three years.  It used to piss me off.  I used to really get my back up and argue that no child should be considered lucky to have a family, to have a mom to kiss boo boos and tuck them in to bed at night.  To have a father who will teach them how to hit a baseball.  Every child should know the love of a family, right?  To have my children potentially hear that they are somehow lucky to be loved...well, that is going to single them out, right?  Maybe I don't want that. 

For many months, I argued that WE are the lucky ones.  We get the opportunity to love these children and to be their parents.  You know...this second trip to China and this second adoption have sort of changed my perspective.  I can't put my finger on why. 

Maybe I've seen my surroundings with a little more clarity.  Maybe I've spent more time really pondering what my children's lives would be like if we had not entered the picture.  Maybe I'm wondering "is there more I can do"? 

When we arrived in Beijing, our driver was very taken with Zack.  Big surprise.  Most Chinese people we meet do find Zack to be quite enchanting.  Most people in generally are drawn to Zack.  It is what it is.  I find him to be pretty stinking adorable most of the time - but I am his mom.  Anyhoo...the driver said to us - very seriously - "You have changed this child's fate".  OK.  Whatever. I know he meant that to be nice and I responded appropriately. 

We did not adopt to change anyone's fate.  Or to save children.  Or to rescue anyone.  Or to do any sort of good deed or our Christian duty.  Yeah...I know what some of the scripture says and I don't dispute it...but we adopted selfishly.  We wanted to be parents.  We wanted to grow our family. 

Sitting here in my hotel - on what may be my last night in China - I feel very conflicted.  I want to leave so badly.  We've had a horrible trip and I'm ready to just move on.  But part of me wants to stay and part of me wants to come back.  These beautiful children that China has "allowed us the opportunity to adopt" have stolen my heart and changed my purpose. 

Here are some pictures of our last couple of days:

When your three year old says "take a picture of my belly"...well...you just do!

Lunch at Lucy's.  For some reason, I've had trouble eating since we've been in China. I've lost about 10 pounds pretty quickly and while I'm happy about that on one level...I needed to eat.  The heat has messed with my appetite but a hamburger and a beer...just what the doctor ordered. 

This is the residential neighborhood right outside our very nice hotel.  I had a hard time looking at this.  We are pretty simple people but this is very far from how we live. 

Here is a shot of our hotel...such a contrast. 

Right outside the hotel...the apartments over the shopping street. 

Zack's limitations having one hand...

 



Shamian Island

 Spontaneous brother hug. 

This one totally gets "say cheese". 

I might have posted this picture before...this was one of our first "sharing" moments.  I guess we should caption this "is his stuff better than mine?"

Ridin' Dirty.  Oh yeah.  We rock the double stroller now. 

Such interesting sights and smells.  I have no idea what most of this stuff is.  I recognized mushrooms and seahorses....perhaps some deer "junk"...not really sure.

Right outside our hotel...this area is always hopping. 

 

 

Hope you peeps out there enjoy the pictures.  We are very appreciative of all of the love and support that has come our way over the past three days - our adoption community ROCKS and I'd like to send a big shoutout to my parents - especially my mom - for being so much in our corner.  This hellish week has changed my perspective in so many ways.  As for the "you have changed his fate"...I can't argue with that.  Joining our family certainly has changed things for our two little boys.  But they have changed ours as well. 

The "Thank You" Post & A Little Update On Our Boys

Over the past two days, our family has received a little over $2,000 in donations.  Some friends of ours have shared the story about how we’re “stuck” in China due to a UK visa issue (if you’ve followed our family, you already know we’re a military family stationed in England and that our adoptions have an extra layer of complication paperwork hell that we have to deal with) and people near and far have rallied to support us.  I find that nothing short of amazing. 

While there is a link to PayPal on our blog, we've had some tell us that the link is not working.  Our PayPal address is jillhudkins@hotmail.com and if anyone is interested in donating, they can go to www.paypal.com and select to "donate money to family and friends" and enter our address.  I feel so weird putting that out there, but we have had people ask...

We did not ask for money but we are very thankful right now for the generosity of the people who gave to us.  The money that we’ve received has helped immensely with our unanticipated travel costs.  In addition to donations, we have received a small credit back from the airline on our initial trip and we’re hoping (but not expecting) that the military might be able to give us some assistance once we get back to our duty station.  It is really, really hard to be "that family" and to accept help, but we've just gotten schwacked with a $13,000 additional airline expense, so we're a little more willing to be humble.  But, it's hard.  We've assisted other families who've needed help and participated in fundraisers for other people's adoption...but when the shoe is on the other foot, it just feels different for me.  Even though I'm uncomfortable with this, I am so thankful for the generousity and kindness that is coming our way. 

Amazingly, donations are still coming in.  I’ve had a few friends give us $10 or $20 and apologize for it not being more.  If that is you, please know that every penny helps and please know that your thoughtfulness and kindness in giving anything at all has no price tag.  When this mess is over and we are home, I will make sure to personally thank everyone that has donated to us and shared our story.  I will pay this kindness forward once we are back on our feet.  I’ve often given to other adopting families in need or supported a fundraiser.  I’ve bought a few raffle tickets for iPads over the past two years and when I donate, I always wonder “does that $5 really put a dent in things?”  The answer is yes.  It does.  In more ways than one. 

I want to mention everyone who has given, but I know that if I try, I will miss someone.  Or, I might embarrass someone that doesn’t want to be recognized…I get that, too.  Some of the names that are attached to some of the donations we’ve received – I don’t recognize them.  I don’t know these people and I’m overwhelmed that someone who doesn’t know us would give us money.  So…this is my thank you post.  I know it is rambly but I don’t know what else to say. 
 

It is Friday morning and we leave on Sunday.  We said goodbye to Laura last night and are waiting now for confirmation that she made it to where she was supposed to be.  She’s a pretty well-traveled 21 year old but flying from China to London via Dubai is pretty daunting.  We’re getting ready to pack up the boys to go to Shamian Island and pick up our laundry and maybe hit up the playground behind Lucy’s Restaurant.  Later on, we will hit the pool, weather permitting.  We’ve kind of done everything and seen everything here in Guangzhou, and it’s unpleasantly humid outside…we’re just in a holding pattern getting ready to go home. 

We have plans to get the boys each a new pair of shoes – the ones Kyle came to us in fit poorly and Zack…well, Zack has been wearing leather sandals for 2+ weeks and they stink.  I am NOT sitting with those stinky shoes on a 12+ hour plane ride.  Children’s shoes and clothing are relatively inexpensive over in this part of the world.  We also need to find some cheap toys and some stickers for the plane ride…we did not bring very many toys with us, and the boys are getting bored with what we do have.  Right now, they are “coloring” which basically involves each one making sure that the other one doesn’t have more crayons.  I got two identical pouches with equal amounts and color distribution of crayons, thinking that would prevent squabbles.  What was I thinking?

The whole “sharing” thing is pretty funny to watch.  Kyle seems very willing to share everything with Zack, but that does not go the other direction.  At all.  Even though Zack is the younger brother (by four months) he’s so much bigger and has taken on the older brother role.  He is already showing Kyle the ropes bossing Kyle around.  Also, Zack is very quick to let me know if his brother is doing something he shouldn’t be.  Kyle probably does his share of tattling, too…I just can’t understand it yet.  He babbles in Chinese and points/grunts/whines. 

Kyle is an amazingly bright little boy, though.  After not quite 2 weeks with us, he’s spontaneously saying “please, bye-bye, no, and uh-oh” at the appropriate times. He answers my questions with a head nod or a shake and he seems to understand me…simple things like “are you hungry”; “do you want a drink”; “would you like to take a bath”…that sort of stuff.  If I ask him to hold hands with his brother or to sit down/get up, find his shoes – he does.  He has put on over a kilo since we’ve had him and his skin doesn’t have that chalky, thin-skinned look about him anymore.  There are a lot of positives and I’m trying to keep my head up and not whine about being stuck in China.  I’m trying not to stress and obsess over the amount of money we’ve charged in relation to the amount of money in our bank account…there is a lot that I cannot control right now and I just have to ride out the situation we’re in and know that eventually…this will pass. 

I’ll post some more pictures of the boys later.  Cheers. 

 

 

Update on Our Family

 

First, I would like to say I’m thankful, humbled and overwhelmed at the outpouring of support from our friends.  Our China adoption community is made up of some truly amazing people and their friendship, love, good thoughts and prayers have probably saved me from going completely bananas over the past 24 hours.

What happened and why?

I know our situation is baffling to many.  Here it is in a nutshell:

Most families who adopt from China live in the US.  The US visa in the child’s Chinese passport allows them to enter the US when the family travels home.  The child becomes an instant US citizen.  The family will choose (or not) to get the new child a US passport at some point in the future…depends on the family’s lifestyle and immediate travel plans.  The new US citizen will get a certificate of citizenship about 30-45 days after arriving home that is proof that the child is a US citizen and that (along with some of the adoption paperwork) is used to get the new US passport.  Pretty simple.

We live outside the US because the military stationed us in England.  Lee and I hold US passports and a military ID.  Those things, along with our military orders assigning us in England allow us to come and go from the UK at our leisure.  Our family members authorized to live with us have to have a visa to stay in England with us.  Zack has a special card he has to present when we come and go that shows he’s authorized to be there.  US citizens who come to England for tourism or visitation are allowed to enter on their passport and remain for 180 days. 

Chinese nationals cannot enter the UK without the appropriate visitor’s visa.  Right now, that is what Kyle is.  Actually, there is no Kyle, not legally.  He is Wu Cheng Jin, holder of a red passport issued by the People’s Republic of China.  If he wishes to enter the UK, he must have a visa.  It does not matter to the UK border authorities that he was just adopted by an American family two weeks ago.  It does not matter to the UK border authorities that “Mr. Wu’s” parents are with the American military forces and that he is completely supported by them.  It doesn’t matter than he can’t gain employment in the UK or apply for benefits.  It doesn’t register with anyone that “Mr. Wu” is three years old.  It only matters that he has a Red Chinese passport and cannot enter the UK without the appropriate visa.  “That’s crazy” or “that doesn’t make any sense” or “that doesn’t apply in this situation” don’t exist. 

Last year, when we adopted Zack, we made a stop by the British consulate in Guangzhou and got a “Special Child Visitor Visa” in his red Chinese passport.  It cost about $200 and took a few hours of our time to explain our situation.  We had to fill out a few forms regarding his anticipated employment, his marital status, and whatnot, which we found a little bit amusing, since Zack was barely two at the time.  Nevertheless, we got a special visitor visa and took Zack home. It was a little more paperwork and a little more money.  It wasn’t that big of a deal. 

Before we went through with this adoption, we really did stop to consider whether we wanted to deal with the paperwork and hassle to adopt another child while living in England.  Living in the UK has definitely added an element of hassle to our adoption and bringing a new child in to our home while stationed at RAF Lakenheath was a huge frustration.  We were treated like we were the “first family ever” to adopt a child from China while stationed in England – which I happen to know we weren’t.  Everything from getting a medical appointment to getting a social security card was extremely cumbersome.  The wonderful “Armed Forces Network” infomercials (some of you know what those are) tout the military “Family Center” as the place to go for questions about international adoption.  I approached our family center on multiple occasions.  The answer I finally got was “yeah…we just don’t know what to do with you.”  This was after getting the runaround and not having our calls returned for 2+  months.  Trying to get an initial medical appointment to have our post-institutionalized child evaluated – HUGE HASSLE.  Dealing with an appointment clerk whose response was “if your child isn’t sick, why do you want to see a doctor” was not a great beginning.  Anyhoo…my point here when deciding whether or not to go forward with a second adoption was “do we really want to go through this again”.  The answer was no, but the opportunity to adopt Kyle presented itself and saying “no” because the people who process paperwork and the people who are obligated to provide family support at RAF Lakenheath are not responsive…not a good enough reason for us not to go forward to bring Kyle home. 

So…fast forward a year and Lee and I again find ourselves at the UK Visa Processing Centre in Guangzhou, China with our new son.  After answering a bunch of questions about Kyle’s prospective employment and marital status, we got in line with all of the Chinese people who are trying to get visas to come to the UK.  We had to give out some additional information about our income to show the clerk at the processing centre that we were gainfully employed and could afford to have an additional person living in our household.  It didn’t really matter that we had to provide this info to both the US and China…we had to provide it again to the UK, in order to get a visa for Kyle to go home with us. 

We were ultimately told that the visa processing center changed their policy and that they no longer had the capability to issue a visa in Guangzhou.  The application had to be sent to Beijing.  We tried explaining that we had tickets to leave on Thursday night (this was Monday) and we tried playing the military card.  No go.  We were told that we could purchase expedited service and that we might get Kyle’s visa in 5 working days, but that it could be up to 10 working days. 

We looked in to changing our tickets to leave a week later…we were hopeful that the visa would show up in 5 days.  Mind you, we could not apply for the visa until Thursday morning (this was Monday) because Kyle’s Chinese passport was being held by the US consulate.  We contacted our travel agent and we were told that she could not get us a flight home until the 6^th of September – we’re initially scheduled to leave on the 22^nd of August.  This would mean 15 days stuck in Guangzhou, China, living in a hotel.  15 days of burning our leave and 15 days earlier that Kyle would have to begin going to childcare.  Our plan is to have as much time at home with Kyle as we can but with Lee and I both being military, we do have duty commitments.  Not to mention that we’re both scheduled to test for promotion to Chief Master Sergeant on the 10^th of September. 

After much discussion, we decided to go ahead and change our plans to go from here directly to the US.  This will allow us to “activate” Kyle’s citizenship and take steps to get an emergency expedited US passport that will allow Kyle to enter the UK.  We contacted our travel agent to see about adjusting our tickets and we got a huge sticker shock.  Getting out of China and in to the US on a relatively short notice was about impossible.  The “cheapest” fare for 2 adults and 2 three year olds to travel from Guangzhou, China to Detroit and back to London is $13,000.  No, that isn’t a typo.  Why Detroit?  It’s a major hub, it has a passport processing center and we have family there, which will negate getting a hotel room and renting a car.  We played around with fares and different departure dates and really…this is the very best there is. And yes…we eat the return leg of our initial tickets. Emirates refunded us about $500.  Laura is going to keep her initial itinerary. 

We leave Guangzhou on Sunday morning.  We fly to Shangai and then from Shanghai, we fly to Los Angeles.   From Los Angeles to Detroit, where we stay for a week and then fly directly to London.  These are the cheapest tickets on an “undesirable” (per our travel agent) airline – China Eastern.  This is the absolute cheapest way to do things, as crazy as that is. There are literally no seats available and the “last minute”-ness of the tickets are killing us. 

We have managed to pay for the tickets and the extra 4 days in the hotel isn’t killing us.  We have scraped up the money and have asked our credit card company to raise our limit.  We typically do not carry a balance on our cards and we are fortunate that we’ve got the credit to be able to handle this.  We’ve completely exhausted our savings to be able to pay for two back to back adoptions and we’ve been denied for almost every grant we applied for.  We fundraised about $2,500.00 and busted our booties for two months to even raise that much.  We’ve got a $15 home repair that we can’t pay for now because after this adoption trip – we really are broke.  We’re in good health and gainfully employed and we will recover from this.  For that, we are thankful.  But the “now” is really killing us. 

We have some nice friends who have posted our story on Facebook and we’ve received some monetary support because of that.  For that, we are very, very grateful.  It was not our intent to ask for money, but the money we’ve received is enough to pay for one person to fly back to the UK from the US.  We are so appreciative.  I’ve seen the adoption community rally many times to help a family that doesn’t have enough money, so the fact that we received support isn’t surprising.  It does make me a little uncomfortable, though, because we have never been that family.  Affording adoption has always been a struggle, but we’ve always managed without having to take the “we can’t do this without your help” position. 

“Why does your entire family have to travel?”

We brought our two children to China to adopt one new child.  Our “old” kids, for lack of a better term are 21 and 3.  Our 3 year old has been in our home for less than a year and our 21 year old has funded her own travel.  She is returning home as scheduled. 

Both parents must sign for the new child to have a passport, so we both must travel to the US with our new child. We can’t send our other 3 year old back to England with our 21 year old daughter.  They do not have the same last name, and there is no documentation that says that he may be in her custody.  We’re in China and we have no idea how we’d get such documentation and honestly…I don’t trust the UK border authorities not to do something weird to detail my kids.  It’s not like I’d be on the other end and I don’t want my 3 year old put in to some weird foster care situation because the UK border agency wants to get weird. 

“Why can’t this family take a ‘hop’ – military space available air”

We have a limited amount of time we can be on leave.  If we are delayed getting home, our newly adopted child will go in to childcare immediately upon returning home, which is not healthy for the bonding process.  He needs at least a week at home to adjust to the time change and new environment. 

We have some experience with hopping – Space –A and it isn’t good.  We’d have to travel to a Space-A hub and hope that we all get on a flight.  There is no published schedule.  If we do get on a flight, it doesn’t guarantee that the flight will go to where we are going.  We’ve attempted Space-A travel in the past and more than 50 percent of the time, it’s involved the expensive, last minute purchase of one-way tickets and hotel/food/transportation expenses at the port.  We’d have to travel to Philly or Baltimore, wait to see if we could get on something going in our general direction and hang out and then pay for a one-way if we couldn’t.  I’m supposed to be back at work on Monday the 23^rd (Lee has a little longer) and while I have an understanding boss…I am still in the military and can’t remain on leave indefinitely. 

The travel really does cost as much as it costs…$13K for the two kids and Lee and I to fly from here to Detroit to London.  We booked through Sue Sorrels and verified through Kayak and Expedia that we’re getting the best, most expeditious last minute rates.  It’s horrible.  I’ve bawled my eyes out for about the past day. 

“Can’t the military help?  Can’t the US Consulate talk to the UK consulate and make this go away?”

The military can possibly provide us some monetary assistance…there is an Air Force Aid Society that we’re looking in to using.  I’m not sure that this is going to be seen as an emergency and I’m not sure if we’re going to be able to recoup the costs since we’ve had to book the tickets ourselves…we can’t wait on funding…we have to book quickly to get out of China.  The availability of flights (unless we want to fly Russian or Egyptian airlines – which we don’t – is really that scarce right now). 

The US Consulate can’t help us.  Their advice to us is to get our new son to the US as soon as possible to get him a passport.  They will not engage with the UK consulate and we honestly feel that we’ve exhausted that.  The UK’s policy on visas for military dependents is very cumbersome and restrictive…anyone who has been stationed there with family members in the past five years can attest to that.  The UK is not the same as Germany or Japan.  If one more person tries to nicely tell me that all I need is a SOFA (Status of Force Agreement, not the couch) stamp in Kyle’s passport or a letter from my commander, I am going.to.scream. 

Our situation is sucky.  Bleak.  No way to sugar coat that.  I am not a “negative Nancy, look at me/woe is me, drama queen” kind of girl.  I work hard.  I take care of my own.  I love my family fiercely and I have a huge heart for my adoption community and all children.  To raise my hand and ask for help – terribly hard – even when someone else raises their hand on my behalf. 

I’ve seen a lot of FB stuff on our adoption situation and I’m thankful for every single person who has said something nice to me or about me or who has sent my family money.  I swear, someday I will find a way to pay that forward…when I get the mental energy and recover from this, I’ll post about the “Mockingbird Project”…my brain child and post AF job/initiative to help military families adopt. 

A little bit of collateral stuff going on – we are a family of 5 (3 adults and 2 toddler boys) who have been living in a hotel room for 2 weeks.  Things are TENSE. 

I have been sick since we’ve got to Beijing and am holding out for a “Doc in a Box” when we get to Detroit.  I’ve got a yucky, phlegmy chest and I’m pretty certain I have an ear infection. 

Zack got bit by some kind of weird bug and had to go to the Chinese hospital yesterday.  Things are OK now…I was actually pretty impressed with the efficiency and I’m thinking of going back and letting them work on me. 

I have kept Kyle’s medical issues private and will continue to do so, out of respect for him.  That said, his issues were pretty substantially misrepresented to us and we’re dealing with issues and potential surgeries on the horizon that we didn’t anticipate. We love him and he is part of our family but the road ahead for us is harder than we’d thought it would be. 

ALL OF THIS SAID…we’re doing OK. We had dinner with another adopting family tonight and enjoyed their company and came up with a great plot to populate the world with Tigers Fans.  Thank you Joel and Becca for dinner.  We loved visiting with you.  Our two little boys are so funny and we’ve seen they are going to keep us laughing and on our toes for many years.  Today, Kyle enjoyed many firsts – an ice cream cone, a visit to the zoo and a swimming pool. 

Adoption is hard.  International adoption is really hard.  Hell…parenting PERIOD is hard.  I think I can safely say that our road has been more difficult than the average bear’s, at least in terms of logistics.  I’ll be real here – I’ve questioned what we’re doing and whether we should have embarked on this journey.  These last few days have caused me to do that.  Tonight…I am at peace.  All of my children are in the place they are supposed to be at.  It is not perfect.  It is not even ideal.  There are many questions I don’t have answers to.  I have faith that we’ve made the right choices and are going in the right direction. 

For all of those who have helped us – really…thank you does not suffice.  And…at the risk of excluding anyone who has been wonderful to us, I would really like to give some shout outs to Mary, Lynette, Carmel, Vickey, Michelle, Wendy and Tracey for your OTT help to my family. 

And to end on a silly note...we took the boys to the zoo park today.  Spirits were good.  Cheers. 

 

Ahhhh - Guangzhou!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

After a rough start to the trip, we are finally on the last leg of our journey.  Our flight was delayed a couple of hours and the Jinan airport terminal is tiny.  We hung out for about four hours, which wasn’t too fun.  Half of the terminal is not air conditioned and that is the half we sat in for half of our wait.  Once we discovered that the “other side” had AC, we moved.  Less seat availability…go figure.  Thankful we had electronic entertainment and some snacks.  Lollypops, rice crackers and tablets saved the day.  We had a little bit of an “OMG” moment when we thought our flight was further delayed, but that was only due to the gate agent’s limited English language skills – or Lee’s limited Chinese language skills, take your pick. 

After much pushing and shoving, we got in to our seats on our wonderful Schenzen Air Flight.  Never heard of Schenzen Air?  Neither had I, which made me a teeny bit nervous, but we did OK.  It was a bit bumpy due to weather.  We got served an interesting meal and the boys were both complete rock stars.  Zack fell asleep before takeoff and had to be woken up when we landed and Kyle stayed awake for takeoff (thought it was big fun), decorated my leg with Mickey Mouse stickers and then fell asleep for the rest of the flight.  I took some pictures – until I got yelled at by the flight attendant for using my mobile phone.  I tried to explain airplane mode to her and she was having none of it. 

 

 

 

 

It was very nice to see our friend John Feng again and to check in to the Holiday Inn Shifu.  There is a lot of comfort in familiar faces and familiar surroundings, even if it wasn’t home.  As “jet set” and adventurous as I am, there is a lot to be said for comfort in familiarity.  After a week in Jinan, I was ready for some more familiar food choices.  Surprisingly, I had a bit of a hard time eating in Jinan.  Part of it was the extreme heat – it was sweltering outside and I did not have a great appetite.  I thought the food in our hotel was terrible. Well, the second floor “main restaurant” was terrible.  What was supposed to be hot was cold and vice versa.  There were too many recognizable “animal of origin” in the dishes.  I am of the “meat comes from the store” mentality and I usually don’t question what I eat too much because I really don’t want to know, but this stuff looked unappetizing.  What looked halfway appetizing wasn’t.  Let me tell you – banana pizza isn’t very good.  The third floor “fancy” restaurant was absolutely fantastic – we ate there once.  It was about $35 for all 5 of us to eat dinner.  The “executive floor” breakfast was a little better than the main restaurant but there was no AC and the weather was 100 degrees…it was just unpleasant to sit and eat.  We mostly ate outside the hotel and found some very, very good food but the heat and the overwhelming task of managing food equity for two 3 year olds…well, I just did not eat a lot. 

What the heck?!?  This was supposed to be a post on Guangzhou, not the food critic post on what I ate in Jinan.  Anyhoo…I was craving some “comfort food” and the Western style breakfast buffet at the HI Shifu delivered.  A ham and cheese omelet and a chocolate doughnut served with hot coffee in an air conditioned room – just about perfect!  Did I say I’m happy to be here?  It isn’t a good feeling to not be able to eat or enjoy food.  I’m usually not very picky…I think the combination of the heat and just being overwhelmed by the initial hustle and bustle of having TWO toddlers that my appetite was dead and I felt drained. 

We’ve been in Guangzhou for two days and have knocked out the initial medical exam for Kyle. This is something that all kids being adopted have to go through – it is a very cursory look at the ears, nose and throat, a height and weight check and a TB test.  The TB test was a little traumatic.  Last year with Zack, they did a skin test and they let Lee hold him the entire time.  There were some tears, but it was really not that much of an event.  The “International Travel Healthcare Centre” has changed their policy, and they now require a blood draw for the TB test.  They do not allow the parents to be present in the room when the blood is drawn, which was not only traumatic for Kyle, but hard for us.  He’s JUST beginning to trust us as his caregivers, and when he does, we hand him off to complete strangers who hold him down and poke him with needles.  I think situations like this help the bonding process…we are continuously exposing Kyle to new things and new places and new situations where WE are the only constant. 

We have pretty much just been chilling in our hotel rooms.  We are in two connecting rooms on the “executive floor” which means we are fairly spoiled.  The rooms are down the hall from the lounge, which have nearly round the clock amenities, including a free happy hour with amazing food. We’ve hardly left our hotel in a day and a half. If you are contemplating travel to Guangzhou - call Sue Sorrels, our travel agent.  We have a RIDICULOUS rate on this room. 

We took a short outing with John this morning.  We visited a temple and had a Buddhist monk “bless” the boys.  No…we are not Buddhists.  We still hold the same beliefs we did when we got here.  We thought it was a nice thing to do for the boys and a nice photo op.  Besides, anyone in our family needs as many blessings as they can get.  It was a really neat experience.  Laura bought some incense and said some prayers at the temple.  It was a very gentle and peaceful experience, and whatever you do or don’t believe, I think you can express your faith and find peace at 6 Banyan.  We enjoyed it…except for the rain. 

After the temple we went to an open air museum and looked around….we enjoyed that a lot and bought some really cool “finger paintings”.  What these artists are able to do with their fingers/fingernails and ink is pretty amazing.  We paid about $32 for two really handsome prints and we know the boys will be happy to have them one day. 

After a nice, long rest, we went to Shamian Island – which is really not an island but a sandbar.  This is a short walk from our hotel and it’s a really cool walk through some local streets.  Shamian Island is home to some really cool colonial architecture and used to be southern China’s hotspot for foreign embassies and consulates.  For whatever reason, everyone has bugged out except for Poland.  They are still there.  The architecthure remains and the island is sort of a home away from home for adopting families.  The U.S. consulate and the International Travel Healthcare Center used to be on the island and the White Swan Hotel catered to adopting families.  There are many shops and restaurants that cater to westerners.  The U.S. consulate and the ITHC have since moved and the White Swan has been closed for renovations for about 2 years, but the island is still hanging on.  Really, it’s just a few souvineers shops and a few places that westerners feel comfortable eating.  Honestly, I think most of it is junk and the restaurants are mediocre at the very best, but it’s still a place to go while we are here.  Today, we bought a few trinkets for the boys’ future adoption anniversaries and a few things for my coworkers.  We also ordered some artwork with the kids’ Chinese and American names and a “chop” – a stamp with Kyle’s name.  We’ll probably visit another time at least while we’re here and buy some more junk and maybe I will get desperate enough for some American food to eat at Lucy’s (although I doubt the latter – I might just get some shrimp flavored Pringles at the 7-11 and call it good).  I really do love visiting with the shop keepers and I feel bad that most of them are going out of business.  I know we are supposed to barter with the shop keepers but I just can’t.  They are selling us their stuff for next to nothing and I feel horrible for trying to get them to come down in price.  Although…there is a horrible watercolor of some nekid little boys in a watermelon patch I had my eye on last year that is still in the same store (personally, I think it is MEANT TO BE).  I wanted to buy it because it was so hideous but I didn’t.  I have had buyer’s remorse for almost a year and it is STILL THERE.  The asking price is about $8…but I think I would take pleasure in talking the lady down…just a little.  It really is so horrible that I just have to have it. 

-         Things are still going pretty well with Kyle.  Here are a few tidbits that I have written down about him, entitled “Things I’ve learned about Kyle this week”:

-       He doesn’t like blankets.  He sleeps completely outside the covers. 

-         He pulls his tee shirt up over his face when he is tired.  I think he might have had a lovey or a blanket at the CWI.

-         He is a jokester.  He really likes the little organic lollypops I brought with me.  They are MAGIC and have stopped a couple of different meltdowns.  Anyway…he likes to offer me a lick and then pull the sucker away before I have a chance to sample it.  Then…he laughs his head off.

-         He’s a great sharer.  This comes from being in an environment with so many other children, I’m sure.  If I give him ANYTHING he wants to make sure Zack gets the same.  Unfortunately, it does not work the other way. 

-         He’s afraid to sit down in the bath.  He likes being in the water and doesn’t mind getting his hair wet but he prefers to stand.  For safety, we cannot let him do this.  We have compromised and he squats. 

-         He is a tough little cookie.  He’s bonked his head a few times and taken a couple of spills – he gets up and dusts himself off and keeps on going! 

-         He is SUPER TICKLISH!  Everywhere.  His favorite thing is to be thrown on the bed and tickled.  Then he get up and runs to the other side of the room and runs back and wants you to start over again.  This scares me a little because he’s so tiny and seems so frail. 

-         He is another daddy’s boy.  He’s willing to let me hold him and care for him but he seems to show a preference for Lee.  If Lee is out of his sight he gets very distressed.  He does not do the same if I leave the room, but I’ve been pretty much in his chili since day 1. 

-         He is independent – he wants me close at hand so that he can grab my hand if he needs to but he prefers to navigate on his own.  He has teeny little spindly legs – but man oh man, he can move. 

Enjoy the pictures – many more to follow. Cheers!

 

Thoughts on Jinan

As we get ready to hop on a plane and head south, I will try to put down some of my thoughts and feelings on this place we are in that most people I know have never heard of. 

I will forever have sweet  memories of this place where I met my son Kyle.  There is a lot of beauty here.  The city is built on a spring and the skyline of mountains can be seen all around in the distance.  That said...I cannot say I am sorry to leave this place for our next adventure and ultimately, a new beginning. 

The feeling we get when I walkoutside of our hotel room is one I can only describe as assault.  The heat and humidity is oppressive and makes me want to make a run for the relative cool of our hotel.  My body is acclimated to cool English summers (or what passes for summer in England).  This heat and humidity drains me.  I know the mercury will rise as we head south, but even so, I am looking forward to being in Guangzhou. 

We are a curiousity here.  Westerners in general don't often come here.  Any non-Asian would be stared at.  Non-Asians with two Chinese kids in what probably seems like an unreasonably large double stroller with a platinum blonde in tow...well, we get stared at.  And photographed openly.  I wonder how many QQ status updates we are in.  QQ is the Chinese equivilent of Facebook. 

I don't find the staring to be particularly rude, and although I would not take pictures of someone else's children without their permission, I don't really consider it that rude when they're doing it to us...because I don't believe they intend for it to be rude.  I just keep repeating to myself "different culture, different culture". 

Laura is not sharing my benevolent attitude.  She's had her picture taken not so subtly by many groups of young Chinese people.  Her presence seems to bring the level of points and stares that you'd expected if someone with two heads suddnely walked in your midst.  I think it is the hair. 

Our guide said Laura "looks like an American movie star"!

I will carry these images of Kyle's home province with me...

Black Tiger Spring

Anyway...Jinan is a link to Kyle's past that is about to be severed.  Part of me feels guilty for taking him away from all that he finds comfort in, all that is familiar.  Part of me knows that we will all be enriched by having him as part of our family. It causes me some pain to know that there are so many things he just doesn't understand and just cannot grasp. 

I am eager to leave because I will find familiarity and comfort in Guangzhou.  I am eager to leave because each day down brings us one step closer to home and our new normal.  Whatever that is remains to be seen.  But as much as I want to get out of here, part of me grieves for what will be lost when we do. 

To end this on a less maudlin note, the boys are doing really well together.  There is a lot of "monkey see monkey do" which is good and bad.  Kyle is picking up a lot of what Zack does and says but Zack is also reverting back to the grunting and pointing for things that he sees Kyle do.  He is a smart little boy and has quickly figured out that we not only do not understand his words but we are speaking some sort of strange gibberish.  Zack and Kyle enjoy playing together...the sharing and competition are funny to watch and I'm sure the antics will continue for many months and years to come.  I will just say that meals and trips to the potty are a lot like an olympic sport.  Cheers, people. 

Not your everyday sight in downtown Jinan.