August 11th, 2013
Looking back, I can honestly say these were some of the
hardest and most joyful moments of my life.
I have experienced overwhelming love and joy but also of stress, anger and frustration.
And everything in between.
At three months home, Peanut is fairly
well settled in. Some days are a piece of
cake. Some days are really hard. Life moves on and Peanut thrives.
Nov 11th, 2013
Growth & Development
Peanut has gained seven pounds
and grown a little over an inch. He's filled out, has good color
and lost that hollow look. His
appetite astounds me. Even though he’s
making good progress, he’s still really tiny. I can’t believe the amount of food he can put
away.
As far as cognitive and motor
development go, Peanut seems on track for his age.
Any delays are due to living in an institutional environment
and he’s catching up quick. He did not show familiarity with
puzzles or shape sorting toys. It was evident he hadn’t had a lot of
exposure to toys. We saw many pictures
of his orphanage. It was
very clean and there were a lot of jungle gym play equipment but no
toys. Kids in orphanages often aren’t
allowed toys because divvying them
out and refereeing squabbles over whose turn it is isn’t something the
orphanage nannies have time for.
School
Peanut attends nursery
3 days a week. He is in the toddler room where Doodlebug was last
year. Because of limited English, small size
and lack of potty training, we made the decision to start him off with the
younger kids. We’ll relook at moving him
up soon since he is doing so well, but it
is nice for him and Doodlebug to have time apart.
It was
not instant love between Peanut and school.
The slightly institutional atmosphere and uniformed female caregivers
probably reminded him of his orphanage in China. We spent time visiting
school before he started attending. He was all about going to the outdoor playground but the classroom invoked tears and panic. Of all of my kids, he has been the only one to show distress when I dropped him
off at childcare…he is also unquestionably the most outwardly excited to see me
at the end of the day. He seems to now
be secure in the knowledge that I come back at the end of the day, so he is
happy to go to school.
Sibling Rivalry
Peanut and Doodlebug get along pretty well
together – except when they don't. They play well together about seventy-five percent of the
time. Doodlebug had to suck up being dethroned.
Peanut seems to realize he’s a here to stay that it is okay to assert himself. I hear little voices saying “mine” a
bazillion times a day. They shove each
other, take each other’s toys, and scramble to see who can get
to my lap first. The are both eager to be first unless I’m doling out something they
aren’t interested in, like shampoos. Then they are both insistent it is someone
else’s turn.
For the most part, Doodlebug and
Peanut play well and cause trouble together.
They share a room and most of their toys, and like all little kids, the most attractive plaything is what someone else is playing with. Peanut really isn't a TV
watcher, with the exception of Barney (yes, the purple
dinosaur resurrected from the nineties). He won't watch anything else and shows particular dislike for Mickey
Mouse in it. Hubs told him “everyone likes Mickey.” No…not this guy. Since Peanut has blacklisted Mickey, that is all Doodlebug wants to watch.
Language
Peanut’s language development is
amazing. He has a few “hold out” Chinese
words but he speaks full English.
He speaks in short sentences and is a little hard to
understand if you don't know him. He
has taken to using words very well and there is not a whole lot of
point and grunt going on.
Some Snippets:
“No mommy best friend.
Daddy best friend.”
“I Peanut. Doodles that way”.
(points to his brother after I called him the wrong name”.
“No bath, no night-night”.
“Hi mommy!”
“Mommy, I kitty. Meow
meow meow!”
“I help. I blow. I do
it.” (wanted to blow out the match I’d used to light a candle)
“Mommy, what you doing?”
“I go potty, too”.
“I go bye-bye school.
Eat!”“Sissy bye-bye, Sissy school.”
He says more
stuff each day. He’s very good with pleases and thank you’s. He has the words to Old McDonald, Twinkle
Little Star, and the Itsy Bitsy Spider most of the way down. His language skills are great. He probably
qualifies for developmental programs but we are still working through a lot of paperwork with his medical care and entitlements.
Social
& Bonding
Peanut is an outgoing child.
Three years in an
orphanage have had some impact on his behavior.
Even though he and his nanny appeared to be best buds, he still had to compete for attention.
We’ve seen some “look at me” negative behaviors because we all know that
bad behavior gets attention and negative attention is better than being
ignored.
Getting ready to pout. All indications were that he was going to throw himself on the floor....then.....
CHEESE!
Another reaction to correction is to smack his head with his hand. That drives me nuts. When I see it, I hold his hands and tell him
I do not like that. I then demonstrate
“nice” and “gentle touches”. He
is starting to catch on. Children are
not meant to be raised in institutions.
They are meant to be in families where they can be loved on and trained
up to accept their parent’s rules and values.
There is a reason we hold and cuddle our new babies…so that they will
feel safe and secure in the knowledge that their parents are there and will take
care of them.
Peanut doesn’t have this. Although he is starting to show signs of feeling safe and secure, he might have worries that we are temporary. He calls us mommy and daddy but for all he knows, we're just the latest babysitters. Three months isn’t a lot of time compared to
the three years he lived in an orphanage.
While Peanut has always been willing to give me kisses, holds my hand when
he is told he has to and voluntarily sits in my lap, I would not say we’re fully
bonded. Sometimes it feels like just going through the motions but we are getting there. Every member of our family has had to make adjustments,
but none more so than Peanut.
The good outweighs the bad, by
far. Peanut is a sunny and cheerful child
about ninety percent of the time. I
try to consider what the world looks like from his perspective
and I have trouble wrapping my head around it.
I am amazed with his progress and all things considered, he is
doing beautifully. Like Doodlebug, he does
seem to have a preference for Hubs, no matter what I do. Sigh.
Medical
All things considered, Peanut is a
pretty healthy little guy. One of our
doctors described him as “medically complex”.
We're keeping the specifics private but there are some congenital issues that were not addressed properly when he was a baby. If his birth family would have had the
resources to take care of his medical needs when he was born, Peanut wouldn’t be
sleeping in the room upstairs from where I sit now. It’s a hodgepodge of fairly minor stuff, but
stuff that nonetheless involves multiple visits to specialists.
Peanut is terrified
of any medical professional. We carry him in to an exam room and he
loses it. Me and hubs are trying to wade through
all of the medical stuff and info being thrown at us. We are doing okay. It is a hard thing to hold your child
who doesn’t completely trust you and tell him that nothing will hurt him as you
hand him over to someone who might do something to cause him pain. He is so tiny and fragile. At at the same time, he is so tough and resilient.
And there you have it – three months. I am sorry for the things Peanut has endured in his short life.
He lost his birth family and his link to his past at a very young
age. He’s had medical trauma of
which we may not ever know the scope of. This past August, everything familiar ceased. Everything changed. Everything. For sure, his
future became brighter when we showed up.
When we signed all of those documents and provided the many finger
prints in red ink, Kyle’s fate changed.
He will be healthy. He will be
loved. He will belong. But what is better in the long run is not
quite how things look to an almost four year old little boy who is probably
still trying to put everything together in his head.
It has been three months of firsts. How exciting it is to see the wonder unfold. The fact National Adoption Month is celebrated during a month we set aside to give thanks is not lost on me. And now for the super cute pictures, which is probably what you are really waiting for. 
First jackolantern!
First time trick or treating
First grilled cheese & tomato soup!
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