GOTCHA DAY FOR ZACK

Gotcha Day is a euphemism for the day an adoptive family meets/takes physical custody of their new child.  In China, this is normally the day prior to the day the official adoption is completed on the China side.  There are some out there that find the term “gotcha day” offensive or derogatory.  I guess everything offends someone.  Here is our gotcha story. 

I read a lot of blogs and looked at a lot of Gotcha Day videos on “YOUTUBE” and I was really excited to be able to have the chance to capture meeting our new son on camera and video.  The experience was surreal – I want to say really surreal, so would I say “surreally”?  Anyhoo…we were all a bit overwhelmed and just didn’t go for the camera like I had envisioned but I remember those first moments with Zack with the same clarity I remember my first moments with Laura. 

So here we go.  Our gotcha was not scheduled until 3PM because Zack had to be brought by the director of the Yuncheng City Social Welfare Institute to the Taiyuan SWI (7 hours by train).  There was one other family with us whose daughter was in a SWI about an hour away from Taiyuan and they had to wait until 3PM also, since Zack was late for the party.  I’m sure this did not thrill them but they were very, very gracious about it…more so than I would have been.  Not like anyone had a choice. 

Our guide Lisa picked us up and we all got in the van.  I had no idea what to expect, but I guess I kind of expected that we’d be shown to a room and the children would be brought to us.  The SWI was about 20 minutes away by car from where we were staying – by the Death Van, more about China transportation later – and we pulled up to what looked like an ordinary office building.  I think it was like a city hall, where official stuff was done.  So, we all trooped in, rode an elevator and went down the hall to a little room – and there he was. 

There were 2 couches set up and each child’s camp – caretakers and the director of the orphanages they were associated with – was set up on one couch.  I took in the setup as we walked in the room and remember thinking – he is one of those kids sitting there – and then my eyes went to him and it was like nothing else was going on in the room.  If you watch our “Gotcha” video, you can see where I handed off the video camera to Lisa.  I had been filming as we entered the room, and when I realized that Zack was in the room, I lost interest in filming.  So, there is a very “Blair Witch Project” start to the video, until Lisa actually started filming. 

Zack was highly suspicious of us at first.  He gave both Lee and I what can only be described as the “stink eye”.  The little photo book that we sent to back in April was on the table and it dirty and looked well-used, which I was glad to see.  The orphanage director, who had traveled with Zack from Yuncheng City (we were later told the trip is 7 hours by train and that he’d just arrived right before we got there) was pointing to Lee and I and pointing to our pictures and telling Zack we were his mom and dad.  Zack did not appear particularly enthused at this news and continued to glare at us.  He was (and is) beyond beautiful.  I could tell right away that his right hand was pretty darn functional.  We were led to believe he didn’t use it except as support, and that was wrong.  He manages to hold on to things with it by securing the object (toy, snack bowl, etc), to his torso and locking it in with his little hand.  Anyhoo…I was determined not to overwhelm him, although I wanted to pick him up and smooch him right away.  I tried to meet him at eye level and not make any sudden movements that would freak him out.  I was absolutely confident that I’d win him over very quickly with the contents of his little backpack that I’d carefully selected as ways to make friends with a 2 year old. 

Wrong.  I offered him a small stuffed bear, a toy cell phone, banana cereal, a Thomas the Tank Engine toy, bubbles, a cool cup with a straw attached, and a lollipop.  Zack wanted nothing – nada, zip, zilch - to do with anything I was offering.  He’d push everything away and it was very clear that if I was the one handing goodies out, he was not even remotely interested in taking something from me.  His orphanage director made him take the lollipop, although he did not eat it.  He had a small stuffed pillow on a string around his neck with some Chinese characters on it, and I touched it and commented on it – he did not like that and quickly adjusted the pillow under his arm so that I could not grab on it further.  I mean really….who is this funny looking and sounding lady trying to grab my accessories?!?  The director explained to me that this was a symbol/souvenir of Yuncheng City, and she gave me one to wear also, with different writing.  Zack did not seem to be overly thrilled that we were wearing the same thing, and made a couple of swipes at my necklace.  There was some paperwork doing and stamping our signatures with red inked fingerprints…Lee was holding it together and managed to square that away for us…I was pretty close to being a blubbering mess at this point.  I kept thinking “he hates me” although his reaction was a little more civil than what I’d expected as “worst case scenario”.  I was trying not to cry or do anything that would scare Zack, but it was an emotional moment for me. The director indicated that she was going to sneak out the door while Zack was distracted.  She didn’t quite make it to the door, and Zack realized she was leaving and made a run for her.  I don’t think this woman was someone that Zack was particularly attached to, but she was the person who brought him to Taiyuan and I think she was somewhat familiar to him – she was in the picture of him having his birthday cake back in July.  So, I ran after Zack and scooped him up, seeing that this was the chance to make my mommy move and hold him.  He did that little “I’m going to cry but it’s going to take me a long time to get my breath and really let one out” thing, and boy, did he howl.  He did not hit me, push me away or try to get down, but he was clearly unhappy. 

We had to leave immediately after that to go have our family picture taken for the adoption certificate.  He was screaming the entire time and dragging his lollipop through my hair.  The photographer was insisting we had to sit a certain way and it was hard to understand what exactly she wanted us to do.  She kept telling Zack to stop crying and she wasn’t particularly kind and gentle about it.  I couldn’t understand her words and I’m sure she sees this kind of thing all the time, but her tone and body language indicated “sit down and shut up”.  Our first family photo is ridiculous – I will have to find a way to scan it off the adoption certificate and post it.  We have a very unhappy little boy, a dad who has this “what the hell?” look on his face and me with my terrible cheesy smile like I’m trying to convince everyone who will one day see this picture along with myself that everything is super peachy. 

After we got our pictures taken, we had to stand outside for quite some time.  Why?  I have really no idea.  We had our guide Lisa to lead us around by the nose – I guess she was off doing paperwork or arranging the details of something somewhere.  Lee was there.  There was a family of four traveling with us that were there…but I don’t really have any recollections of anything other than me and Zack…odd, because Lee videotaped me talking and holding Zack at this time. 

Zack was still crying, and he was probably hot and uncomfortable.  It was a very warm day – the ladies were all in summer dresses and the guys were in shorts, but my little hunk of burning love was wearing a sweatshirt and flannel pants.  I started singing to him, hoping that would soothe him.  I’m embarrassed to say all knowledge of baby songs left my mind at this time…I’m pretty rusty, but I just couldn’t think of anything good to sing to a crying baby, so I tried “Billy Don’t Be a Hero” “Hey Soul Sister” and…don’t judge…”99 Bottles of Beer on the Wall”.  I literally couldn’t think of anything else to sing, although Lee got me on camera saying I was singing Madonna songs.  Anyhoo…my singing worked…he went to sleep pretty quickly.  Poor thing was exhausted. 

Next up was a trip to a Wal-Mart like store to buy baby supplies/groceries.  We made an impulse purchase of a very nice stroller.  We had not planned to buy a stroller in China, but little dude is super heavy and I’m glad we had it during the trip.  I was dreading Zack waking up because I thought we’d get tears anew when he saw that we were still there.  He slept through most of the shopping, and did surprisingly well when he woke up.  He put both of his hands on either side of my face and stared at me pretty intently.  I had to put him down for a minute to adjust and he held up his arms for me to pick him back up again, which I took as a good sign.  He whined a little bit when he got handed off to Lee, but that only lasted a few minutes.  In addition to the stroller, we bought some bananas, juice, and yogurt and a package of diapers (Chinese diapers are TERRIBLE, BTW.  If you’re reading this and you’re soon traveling to China to pick up your child, just pack enough diapers for the trip.  They don’t take up that much space.  We brought a few and saved them for long appointments out and the trip home…but I repeat – Chinese diapers are TERRIBLE.  We bought Pampers and they are not the same quality as US diapers).

We all sat on the stools outside the checkout area while we waited for our travel buddies to finish up their shopping and Zack was content to sit on my lap and just take everything in.  In the car ride back to the hotel, he accepted some cereal snacks from us and even fed us some bits of cereal – which is a very good sign.  It was about a half hour ride back to our hotel, and by the time we got there, he was smiling and animated.  He was very excited when he saw the fountains outside the hotel and willingly went with Lee to go check it out.  Once we got up to our room, he went right to the toys we’d put out for him (Legos and stack cups) and started playing quietly.  We didn’t anticipate doing this, but we ended up taking him to the dining room for dinner and he did really well.  We were starving, since we had skipped lunch. 

We decided not to give him a bath the first night – we weren’t sure how he’d react and we didn’t want to put any more stress on his plate that day.  He ate fairly well, although he didn’t eat or drink a whole lot the first couple of days we had him.  Finding what he liked was a small challenge, but once we got the “right cup” and the “right utensil”, we were in business.  We’d brought a bottle and a couple of sippy cups because we weren’t sure what he was used to.  His orphanage director told us he drank out of a bowl…I’m not sure if something was lost in translation, but Zack actually can drink fairly well from a regular bottle or a cup with no lid…you just have to watch him to make sure he doesn’t dump it on himself. 

Zack went to bed easily and slept all night – and that was the last good night’s sleep we had.  More on that later.  The next morning, we had to go back to the Social Welfare Institute/Notary Office to complete the adoption.  The other family’s new daughter really had a hard time with going back in to that building.  She was a little older than Zack and seemed to recognize where we were right away.  She probably thought they were taking her back and she was really upset – just heartbreaking.  Zack didn’t have quite the same reaction, but he was clinging to me very tightly and appeared pretty apprehensive…wanted mom and dad close. 

The orphanage director from Yuncheng City was back and it amazed me the difference in reaction Zack had to her just 18 hours later.  He was OK being in the room with her and was willing to interact with her from my lap, but he showed no signs of wanting to go with her at all.  She seemed like a very nice lady and took our pictures – presumably to take back to his foster family. 

We had to answer several questions that morning – we had to tell why we wanted to adopt Zack and promise that we would be good parents to him and never to harm or abandon him.  We had to re-verify our personal data (ages, income, family info) and sign about a bazillion times (it was like closing on a house).  With each signature, we had to do a fingerprint in red ink over the top of our signature.  Zack also had to put his handprints on the form.  They asked if we were happy with Zack and if we wanted to press forward with the adoption – duh.  He sat on my lap and was very well behaved but very serious.  We hung out while our travel buddies did the same thing, and then were on our way.  As far as China was concerned Zack became our son on 27 Aug 12.  We had to hang out in Taiyuan until Friday to wait for Zack’s passport.  I will post more on Taiyuan later.  It was not the most fun spot I have ever visited, but it is one of the few links to Zack’s history and heritage we have and I tried to find the positives. 

Enjoy the pictures and videos of Gotcha and the day after.  We are very fortunate that Zack took to us both so well and so quickly.  We have adjustments and growing pains as any family does when a new member is added, but our first 24 hours with Zack could not have gone much better.  Thanks for following along!

Jill