Sergeant Coco

Zack has been with us for a little shy of 3 months.  When we showed up at the Taiyuan Social Welfare Institute on August 27^th, I’m pretty sure that we were the first English speakers that Zack had ever encountered.  One of the most common questions people would ask us in response to learning we were adopting a child from China was “does he speak English”…sometime followed by “are you going to teach him to speak English”.  Here’s your sign.  Yeah.  Now we get asked a lot – “How is Zack’s English coming along”.  Well, here is your answer. 

Fact:  most people in China do not speak English.  Zack is from a rural and pretty remote part of China.  We were not able to go to Yuncheng City while we were in China, but I would venture to guess that you’d have a pretty hard time finding anyone who spoke English.  On “Gotcha Day”, Zack had quite a bit of language and was speaking in sentences…not that we could understand any of it.  He quickly figured out that we did not understand his words and started to use sign language/motions to tell us what he wanted.  He kind of looked at us with an expression that probably meant “what kind of dummies did they stick me with, anyway” and then he’d take me by the hand and lead me to whatever he wanted me to see.  If he wanted to go outside, he would bring me my shoes and point to the door…stuff like that. 

His receptive language took off almost instantly.  By the time we left China, he understood about three quarters of what we were saying to him.  Now at 3 months home, he is talking quite a bit.  His favorite word seems to be “NO” at the moment…I mean, come on…he’s 2.  Over the past couple of weeks, he has started to say yes and nod his head.  He will tell us when he is hungry – he will say “eat” or “wa-wa eat”….he still does refer to himself as “wa-wa”, which is Chinese for baby but when asked where Zack is, he will point to himself.  Occasionally, he will see a picture of himself and say “Zack”.  When hungry, he will ask for a banana or yogurt or go to the cabinet where I keep the oatmeal and tap on it and say “eat”.  He calls Henry “Henry” or “kitty” although that is a little hard to understand.  All drinks are “water”.  He says apple, orange, cookie and cracker pretty clearly...banana for whatever reason is.  He says “mama, daddy (although he still mostly calls Lee baba) and sissy, of course.  Most little kids are “wa-wa or baby”.  He points to his nursery school building and says “school”.  He can say and identify a variety of animals (including Elmo and monsters) and makes the noise that goes along with the animal.  He says “big mess” if he gets food on the floor or drags a bunch of toys out.  He says bed, night-night, bath and “brush teeth”.  He can point to most of his body parts when asked to identify them and has taken to pulling his shirt up and saying “belly”.  He’s started to speak in simple sentences…he pointed to our bed the other day and said “mama/baba bed” and when I asked him where Zack’s bed was, he ran in his room and pointed to his bed and said “wa-wa’s bed”.  The other night at dinner, he pointed to me and said “mama eat”…it actually comes out as “eateeeeeeee”.  It’s cute.  Today, he told me that Coco (his stuffed bear) is in the Air Force.  When I was on adoption leave after we brought him home, he’d always ask where Lee was in the morning and I’d tell him “daddy goes to work in the Air Force”.  When we drive on base, I tell him “Air Force”.  Coco slept with us (yes, sigh, all of us) in our bed last night and for whatever reason, Coco was out of favor this morning.  Zack chucked her across the room (the whole throwing toys things is something we have to work on) and said “Coco Air Force”…which I think meant that Coco went to work.  At the very least, she was removed from our immediate presence. 

Zack knows lots more nouns – potty, TV, trash…and some concepts such as sleepy; stinky; clean up and around and around (or as Zack says roundy round).  He says “pew pew” and wrinkles his nose if something smells bad.  He’s also very cognizant of what stuff belongs to who in the house – which doesn’t mean he’s learned the boundaries as far as what not to touch.  When I am folding laundry, he will tell you what articles of clothing belong to which member of the household.  He will point to things that he knows he is not supposed to touch and say “mama’s”…doesn’t mean he won’t touch them. 

Also…Zack will play by himself now and is not fixated on having one of us attached to his hip at all times.  He will play in his room while I am taking a shower and will watch TV or play with his downstairs toys while I’m in the kitchen or the dining room.  For short periods, anyway.  If we linger too long in another room, he will come and check things out.  This is a good thing…he’s secure enough to know that just because he doesn’t have eyes on us every moment does not mean we have left him. 

So that is a quick update on Zack’s language development and a couple of other tidbits.  We were in the hospital earlier this week – another story I haven’t written yet – and one of the med techs was carrying Zack’s Thomas the Tank Engine backpack for us as we went from the recovery unit up to orthopedics to have his cast put on and she said “oh, he probably doesn’t really understand who Thomas is, does he?”  Yes, Zack understands who Thomas is…and Elmo and Mickey.  He is doing just fine.  Cheers!

Almost forgot - cuteness of the day!  Enjoy!

Coco is eating...

This is the face I get when I ask Zack to show me his teeth...what a chees-er!

 

Jill

Zack’s First Halloween

Zack’s first trick-or-treat was a success.  As you can see from the photos, we did family-themed costumes.  By the time the big day rolled around, Zack could correctly identify a pumpkin and say the word…or something like it.  We visited a local pumpkin patch the Saturday before Halloween…we were not there very long – the weather was terrible.  We scored some pumpkins, had some fried doughnuts (and if you know me, you know this made me really happy) and got a balloon animal.  A quick outing but a good time. 

Halloween week, Zack helped me make some spooky cupcakes and he enjoyed the treats my mom sent.  We went to RAF Mildenhall for “Trunk or Treat”…which was about 30 cars in the parking lot of the Galaxy Club.  The cars were decorated up really nice and we saw some cool (if a little bit scary) costumes. 

This was short and sweet…we did not get much candy, but that’s OK.  We could have gone in to base housing, but for a 2-year old first-timer, I think we did all right.  He was willing to hold out his bucket and accept candy, but he was very wary of all of the scary costumes.  We made the mistake of letting him hold his bucket on the 20 minute drive home and he tore in to some of the chocolate with his teeth. 

It was fun dressing up like characters from the Wizard of Oz…but my dream of Cruella DeVille and some puppies is still alive…maybe next year.  Cheers...oh, and pictures are below. 

Jill

 A little pre-trick or treat carb loading...my boy loves his noodles.  Pay no mind to the fact that he looks slightly tipsy in this picutre. 

Helping with cupcakes in the cute bib from Grandmother!



 Scarecrow and Lion in line for Trunk or Treat...Zack is not sure what to think of all of this. 

 I don't get why she wants me to stand by this scary looking thing but I don't like it one bit!

 Pumpkin Patch with ominous looking sky behind...

 Lion and Dorothy

Practicing Trick or Treat

 

This is a funny video that another AP (adoptive parent, for those of you who might have been missing my acronyms) put up on her Facebook page.  This is a humorous but fairly accurate depiction of how people not familiar with international adoption might ask well meaning (but really annoying) questions. Enjoy.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xFp61HAj-nk&feature=share

Gotcha Day Video

Here is our most-of-the-way finished Gotcha Day video.  I am proud to say that Lee did not do all of this - I did quite a bit using Windows Movie Maker.  We do plan to tweak the graphics a little bit and add some more video clips for a longer version, eventually, but here is a nice picture story of how Zack came to be a Tigers Fan a Robbins. Cheers,
Jill
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IDhxNyo0jNE&feature=youtu.be

Hello U.S. Citizenship & Boo Delta Airlines

Our little man is now a citizen of the United States of America! When we completed his adoption in China (yes, it was really only last month, so hard to believe)we brought him to England on a Chinese passport with two 6-month visas – one for the U.S. and one for the U.K. Complicated?  Yes.  Doodlebug's citizenship status was in limbo until he made his first entry in to the United States. We presented the sealed package of paper we got at the consulate in China to the U.S. immigration officers and his certificate of citizenship is (hopefully) on the way. This combined with the Hague adoption certificate will substitute for his birth certificate, unless we decided to re-adopt him in our home state. But first, we would have to figure out what our home state is. If you're having trouble keeping up with what I just wrote, I ain't mad at ya.  It really is complicated. 

 

Most American families who adopt from China fly straight home to the U.S. (because that's where Americans usually live.  Duh.)  

 

We had the opportunity to travel briefly back to the states last week so we decided to take advantage and have Doodlebug make his U.S. premier.  This would get the process rolling to issue his Certificate of Citizenship which will make it possible for him to get a U.S. passport which will make it possible for him to get a resident visa to stay in the UK while we live here.  We have some business property in Illinois, plus, that is where Sissy lives.  We made the quick trip to take care of some beez and getting some sibling time was a bonus.

Looking back over the past 8 weeks, our little guy has been in 4 countries, 4 US states, 2 different provinces in China and in 6 different airports. Most 2 year olds are not this well traveled. I wish I could say he is an easy traveler, but he really is not. Eight hours is a long time to sit still, and being strapped in to a seat is really not his thing.

Our house is about a 2 hour drive from the airport so our trips always begin and end with a long car ride.  Not our favorite part of traveling.  I thought the trip was starting out great.  Doodlebug slept the entire way to the airport.  Things went south when we got to airport security - big shout out to London Heathrow Terminal 5.  
 

Doodlebug is semi-attached to one toy – his stuffed Panda named Coco. Yes, it might be cliché to give the Chinese kid a toy panda.  Whatever.  He likes it.  He was holding Coco as we went through security.  I should have been paying attention and put him through the scanner thing (Coco, not the kid). The very security conscious airport employee decided Coco looked shifty, grabbed him from Doodlebug's hand and threw him across to her buddy at the x-ray machine.  No warning.  No "I need to take that toy, little boy".  Naturally, this set off my sweet little boy's inner T-Rex, which I know is there.  Now everyone in Terminal 5 knew, too.  As the meltdown began, Hubs had the crappy luck to get a little extra attention from the security dudes.  I am all for security but the utter lack of anything resembling sense of urgency was unreal.  To say they took their sweet time poking through the bags would be the understatement of the DECADE.  

Hubs' bag was third in the queue.  The workers were moving at a speed that made molasses look fast. As they examined the bristles of his toothbrush with a practiced eye (I'm so not kidding), they laughed and socialized amongst themselves without a care in the world. Not like this is an airport or anything.  We were there almost an hour and what started out as "plenty of time" turned in to "$h#t we need to run for the gate" pretty darn fast.  

We got to the gate in the middle of boarding.  By this time, Doodlebug had decided he was over all of this.  Coco had been returned to him but he wasn't interested in her.  He did not want to be carried.  He did not want to walk.  He did not want to ride in his stroller. What he wanted to do was to lay on the floor, remove his shoes and scream "no way, no way" at the top of his little lungs.  We were over things too, at this point.  Did I mention that Doodlebug screamed at the top of his lungs the entire hour we waited in the security area while Hubs' tooth brush and phone charger were given the once over?  It was nearing 9AM and I needed a beer.  
 

We finally got on the plane, ignoring the horrified looks of the other passengers who had seen our walk of shame through the terminal with Mr. Meltdown. I am sure there were lots of "please don't let that kid be on my flight/next to me" prayers going up.

Once we boarded, Doodlebug settled down and decided I was back in his good graces.  He was content to settle down with a snack and some stickers.  

 

Give me a boost because I'm climbing on the soapbox.  Delta Airlines, you get my Thump on the Noggin Award for the week.  Because we have a ton of Delta miles, we won't have a ton of choice for some of our future air travel.  If not for those miles, me and Delta Airlines would be breaking up.  I would never want to fly Delta again after the experience we had on the London to Detroit flight. Before we took off, Hubs was summoned from his seat to go and speak to one of the flight attendants.  The way the conversation was recapped to me:

Flight Attendant: Sir, I have to ask - is that your kid?

Hubs:  Sure is, why?

Flight Attendant:  Well, he doesn't look like you and he's crying and saying "no".

Hubs:  Yes, he's mine.  He's two.  Have you ever seen a two year old before?

Flight Attendant:  Yes, but he doesn't look like you.  Are you sure you're his parents?

Hubs:  Pretty sure.  He was at our house this morning and called me daddy. 

Flight Attendant:  Well yes, but he doesn't look like you. 

Hubs:  Oh that.  He's adopted.  Would you like to see his paperwork? 

Flight Attendant:  No sir, not necessary.  Thank you. You can return to your seat.  Thanks for choosing Delta.   

I should be grateful people are paying attention and potentially looking out for a child in distress, right? Part of me feels this way. If Doodlebug or any child was in danger, I hope bystanders wouldn’t turn a blind eye to something that didn’t look right. However, accepting “yes, he’s  mine” at face value if there was cause for concern isn’t  comforting. 

Our paperwork was checked 4 times before we got on the plane. By security while in the Delta check-in line.  By the person at the Delta check-in counter.  By UK border control and finally, by the Delta gate agent.  I found the flight attendant’s “extra layer” intrusive and discriminatory. Does he question the parents of every small child in the throws of a tantrum?  I’m sure he has seen his share. Doodlebug doesn't resemble Hubs or I.  We get that.  He is clearly Asian and we are clearly not. But at what line does a Delta employee stop when he sees a child whose parents look “different” throwing a fit? I accept this flight attendant meant well and I give him props for using some discretion when he questioned Hubs. But bottom line, if he felt he had the duty to question us, didn't he have a responsibility to be more thorough?  Sure, he's my kid.  Okay, go back to your seat. 

 

Continuing on the "flight attendant blooper" train, we met a real prince of the skies once we were underway.  

Flight Attendant:  Excuse me, your son left a mess in a seat in the back of the aircraft.  

Back story: Doodlebug and I had sat down in an unoccupied seat for about five minutes.  We got the "go to your seat" announcement on one of our leg stretches throughout the cabin.  It was a non-event.  We sat for a minute and as soon as the captain gave the all-clear, we went back to our seats.  2+ hours later I had a loud, angry little man insisting that we'd left some sort of mess in the back of the plane because "another passenger said so".  Said flight attendant totally got the glazed "WTF look" from me.  

We danced the "yes you did/no I didn't" dance for about 5 rounds and mercifully, he left.  On one of our last round of Economy Comfort's beverage services, I ordered a glass of wine and a cup of apple juice.  Unfortunately, Loud, Short & Angry was the one taking our order.   

Flight Attendant:  Is that apple juice for that baby? 

Me:  Yes.  

Sure, I thought that one was a no-brainer.  But hey...we have Loud, Short & Angry...not really difficult to add slow.  

Loud, Short & Angry:  Apple juice causes kids to have runny poop.  Did you know this?  

Me:  Thank you.  Can I please have my drinks?  Apple juice and white wine (I was speaking really slowly at this point, just to make sure). 

Loud, Short & Angry:  Apple juice causes diarrhea! 

Me:  Thank you. Do you need me to repeat my beverage order?

Rinse & repeat and he caved.  I got my wine and Doodlebug got his juice, which he promptly spilled all over my shirt.  I tried to flag down Loud, Short & Angry to get a refill and he ignored me. 

Shout out to Doctor Flight attendant. Doodlebug was not sick and I’m sure I look like a seasoned parent. Not sure what the mess in the back of the plane looked like and how we got blamed but sheesh!  Can't a girl get a drink without a discussion on kid tummy troubles with the cabin crew?   

We landed in Detroit and after processing through immigration, our boy is now a citizen.  Shout out to gum smacking, eye rolling, big-haired immigration officer for making it happen.  And thank you for giving me the opportunity to explain "how we got a Chinese kid".  That sure was fun after coming off the flight from hell.  

We had a great 5 day visit to the Midwest.  We hung with Sissy (she and Doodlebug are peas & carrots)and got to see some of our other friends.  We took care of our business and had a little downtime. Enjoying some good ole American grub was easy on the taste buds, hard on the waistline.  It was not strictly a pleasure trip but we made it fun.   

 

Traveling with a 2 year old is tiring and challenging. Back on this side of the pond, we have a jet lagged 2 year old is not exactly a barrel of laughs.  It is difficult to reason 2 year old with limited English skills and explain why it is bedtime when his inner clock is ready to rock. All of that aside, I am thankful for my little man and all the opportunities we have to see the world. I would not trade my lot in life for anything and each day (yes, even during the jet lag, meltdowns and crappy Delta employees) I realize that I’m very fortunate.  

 STL to Atlanta Flight - Whee, I can play with the controls!

Party of 4, please.

 

I’ll close with a suggestion - if you are ever in the position to volunteer for the USO or make a donation, please consider it. Being in public service for 20+ years, I have traveled around a fair bit. Most of the places I go are not vacation spots and while I get reimbursement for travel, there are no business class upgrades or bottomless expense accounts. The USO has always been a comfortable place to hang out during a layover. There is always a cold drink, a warm smile a place to sit and rest that isn’t in the middle of a crowded terminal. The USO centers are funded mostly by donations and staffed with volunteers – usually veterans or their family members. Traveling with a small child for the first time in a long time made me doubly appreciative of the USO. There were toys for my wiggly little boy to play with and room to rest and roam around in a secure spot versus being in the middle of a crowded airport. So…if you ever feel compelled, donations of time or money to the USO are well appreciated by the folks who use their facilities. 

 

Doodlebug chilling out in the kid room at the USO in St Louis

Squatty Potties in China

When I got home from China, I was going to write a post on squatty potties and I just never did.  But, I took a picture of one…see?

There was a lot of discussion on squatty potties in the online adoption groups I am a part of – many of you reading this blog may have located it through one of those groups. 

Although I didn’t write a post on squatty potties (yeah, I know, technically this is one), someone else did.  In great detail, I might add.  And while this dude seriously exaggerates, he is entertaining.  Anyone who begins a sentence with the words “For the penised” is funny in my book.   

http://www.banterist.com/archivefiles/000348.html

Squatty potties were not as big of a deal for me as they were for some travelers.  I have traveled to Asia and the Middle East and they are not that much of a novelty as they are for some.  I lived in Korea in the mid nineties and these squatty potties were common at the local watering holes.  I had that whole balancing act thing down pat!  I credit the “moderate and responsible” amount of adult beverages I consumed with my awesome coordination on a squatty potty in 1995…at least my memory of said coordination.  And for those of you picturing me rocking some high-waist Guess jeans and some fluffy bangs?  Just keep wondering. 

Fast forward 17 years later and balancing wasn't quite so easy.  During my recent trip to China, I would consider the squatty potty encounter a huge success if I managed not to pee on my foot.  I echo the comments about lack of availability of soap and toilet paper.  That was hit or miss – carry your own.  A tip – go to the very end stall…about half the time, you’d luck out and find a western or “handicapped” toilet. 

I do have to take issue with the banterist's (love love love that name) description of the squatty potties sanitation situation.  The public toilets I encountered in China were on average no dirtier than public toilets in  anywhere else in the world.  I thought the “how can a country with such dirty bathrooms be a super power” was a little uncalled for.  It’s a different sort of experience, uncomfortable and not what we are used to, but I didn’t find sanitation in the bathrooms (or anywhere else) to be a huge issue in any of the cities I visited in China.  Don’t get me wrong, I’m not touting the squatty potty bathrooms as palatial…I’m just saying my experiences were not quite to this level.  But, they were also not near as entertaining.  Cheers to you, Mr. Sack.  Thank you for inspiring what is hopefully my one and only post about toilets. 

One Month Home

Tried several times to get a photo with the foam letters on the tub (not in the water) and Z actually looking at the camera - gave up!!!

Today is the 9^th of October.  We met Zack on the 27^th of August and he has been at home here in England with us for just over one month.  He is doing really well.  He’s gained about 3 pounds – he came to us very healthy and well-nourished, but he does like his food.  He hasn’t grown in height yet, but his shoes we got him in GZ are getting tight.  He is a very healthy little boy.  He has survived the first round of doctor visits – four vials of blood (we are half done with that), 5 shots (catching up on immunizations), lots of poking and prodding, and X-Rays (which he thought were pretty fun).  Oh, and poop samples!!!  Zack didn’t have to do too much with that…but I sure had fun with those – not.  We are scheduled to see an orthopedic surgeon on Monday and a plastic surgeon in early November.  Obviously, we don’t expect a medical miracle – we know he won’t grow a hand – but we are hopeful that his right hand will enjoy some improved functioning and appearance.  He’s also been referred to early intervention for evaluation for speech therapy and PT/OT.  We’re going to see how that goes – we’re not having any problems in those areas, but we want him to have all the advantages we can provide.  I really like our pediatrician and he’s really been very thorough with Zack’s care so far.  Our experience with our military medical community with regard to our international adoption journey has not been overwhelmingly positive but I am hoping some education and persistence might improve things for the next person.  The lack of “savvy” about international adoption by some of the healthcare workers I’ve encountered was pretty sad…I had to go through the 20 questions with the appointment clerk when I wanted to make an appointed for Zack as soon as we got him home.  Thankfully, we brought home a little boy with no pressing health issues, but not everyone bringing a child out of institutional care is as lucky as we have been.  Once we actually got Zack in to the peds clinic, we were taken care of very well, but getting him in was not easy or timely and the medical support we received pre-adoption was…well, it wasn’t.  Hopefully, we are past the hard part. 

Getting his BP taken...he was very good

Zack’s receptive language is excellent.  He understands most of what we say, and for the most part, will do what we tell him to do (he is after all, two).  Simple directions such as “give this to daddy”; “put this in the laundry”; “go get your shoes” are normally followed.  He can point to about a dozen of his body parts when asked.  He still babbles in Chinese quite a bit…some things we are able to decipher or guess at, but some things we just plain don’t understand.  Since he has started nursery school, he is talking more and repeating more words we say to him.  He still pulls us around by the hand quite a bit and points to what he wants and he will touch his tongue when he is thirsty.  He will point to the floor after he’s eaten and say “big mess” or “messy”; say “yummy” if he likes something a lot; rub his tummy and make a motion with a spoon when you say “eat”; and he says “apple”; “banana”; and “no” quite clearly.  He calls Lee and I “Baba and Mama” (Baba is the Chinese word for Daddy).  He is starting to say “daddy” a little bit and he knows who I mean when I say daddy.  He refers to himself as “wa wa” or “wa wa baby” (wa wa being Chinese for baby).  He will point to pictures of family members and correctly identify everybody.  He sings Twinkle Twinkle Little Star…kind of.  When I sing, it, he sings something and makes the hand motions I taught him.  He sings the “E-I-E-I-O” part of Old McDonald very clearly.  We are working on differentiating between the colors red and blue right now, and I have word cards that I use with him regularly. 

First day of nursery school...smiling for the camera (that I chased him in to the corner with)

He likes Henry – sadly, it is not mutual.  Every time my poor 12 year old cat comes in to Zack’s view, he runs at him and says “Yeah!!!!!!!!!!!!”  He was referring to Henry as “Mao Mei” but he is starting to say something that kind of sounds like Henry…he does know who Henry is, though. 

He is doing very well with adjusting to new foods.  He still prefers Chinese food, but he will try most things at least once.  He is not a big fan of eggs, cheese, processed meats or any type of tomato sauce (pizza is a no-go).  He will eat small amounts of cooked chicken and really likes steak.  He has eaten every fruit and veggie that we’ve given him, with the exception of raspberries – probably too sour.  He particularly likes yogurt, pancakes and oatmeal.  He uses a spoon and fork very well and drinks out of a regular cup.  He is making progress with potty training.  He will normally use the potty if taken to the potty but will not give you any indication that he needs to go. 

Sleep was a struggle the first week – he had never slept in a room by himself.  With establishing a very firm bedtime routine, a fun turtle pillow that projects stars on the ceiling, and one very tearful evening, we are now to the point where we can kiss him goodnight and walk out of the room.  He will occasionally wake in the night and he will wander in to our room.  He is not a super sound sleeper and he is a big nap-fighter, but overall, sleep is not a huge issue like I’d feared it would be. 

Zack has adjusted well to nursery school and life in our neighborhood.  He is a very active and friendly little boy.  We kept him pretty close to home the first 2 weeks and didn’t really have many visitors, but he has done very well interacting with other people.  We are not of the “no one will touch my child for 3 months” school of thought.  We have a friendly and well-adjusted little boy who knows who his parents/caregivers are.  We are happy that Zack has more than 2 people in his life that love him. 

Playing outside - putting rocks in a box is great fun!

Getting underfoot - er, I mean helping mom in the kitchen!

This is the boy we met on August 27th, after he'd stopped crying and appeared semi-comfortable with us (or at least resigned to having us take care of him).  I was so happy at the time that he'd stopped screaming, but check out the look of suspicion.  Big changes for this little man over the past 6 weeks!

 

He is a great kid and I enjoy sharing our story.