Six Months With Peanut

Today is February 11^th – a Tuesday.  Driving home from work today, my mind wandered to mundane end of the day things.  I’d just grabbed a quick late afternoon run.  I was relaxed and happy.  I was driving along the same road I always take to go home, wondering if I should detour to the grocery to buy coffee pods or suffer with instant until the Amazon delivery.  Wondering if bread and butter with the stew I’d thawed out for dinner would be too much starch.  Wondering if my husband had picked up the kids from daycare or if I’d have to do it.  This was a day like any other. 

It didn’t occur to me until later on in the evening that today is the six-month anniversary of Peanut’s Gotcha Day.  We’ve gone through so many ups and downs on the road to the place we are now.  It was surprising – pleasantly so – that the day that marks Peanut’s six-month mark with our family was a day like any other.   

Six months ago, I was pacing around a hotel room in Jinan, China.  It was Sunday afternoon and my family and I had rolled in to Shandong Province’s capital city just shy of noon.  We’d gotten situated in our hotel room and had some lunch.  The food was good, although the tea pot full of hot water (sans tea leaves) that had been given to us as our beverage was a little different. 

About an hour after meeting Peanut

Day 2 - not very sure of each other. 

 

I remember the minutes leading up to meeting Peanut with a great clarity.  I was hot and sticky, despite the crankin' AC.  I was wearing two necklaces adorned with colorful plastic bugs…one kept breaking.  I’d set up my laptop and my mom and some of my sweet adoptive mommy friends were blowing up my Facebook wall with comments like “can’t wait to see pictures” and “let us know as soon as you get him”. 

While the rest of my family was remarkably chilled, I was anxiously staring at the phone on the desk, willing it to ring.  When it did, my heart jumped in my throat, at least that’s what it felt like.  Even though I’d been expecting to hear our guide Missy’s voice on the other line, hearing the words “I am downstairs with your boy and we are coming up” somehow caught me off guard. 

Although I can recall many details about the moments before the knock on the door that brought Peanut in to our family for keeps, the moments between then and now have been a blur, a whirlwind.  I can hardly believe that six months have passed since I sat in that hotel room in Jinan waiting on the phone to ring, in my sweaty dress with my broken bug necklace.  I’m stopping to catch my breath to give an update on how our little guy is doing. 

I won’t rehash the difficulty of our adoption trip or the rocky roads of our first month home.  If you follow my family, you know it was hard on us, unexpectedly so.  We got through it, as I always knew we would.  I am not sure if I’d go as far to say that we are the poster family for international adoption, but we’re in a good place.   

Growth & Development

Since coming home, Peanut has gained about 8 pounds and grown almost 4 inches.  He’s gone from wearing 12 month clothing (at three and a half) to a 2T, although his waistbands are a little loose.  His little arms and legs have filled out and although one could certainly not call him a chunkster, he is sporting a couple of rolls around his middle.  He seems to be gaining height versus girth right now, although he eats like a champ. 

Cheese scones with butter - we're all about carbs here 

 

After six months, Peanut’s appetite and food intake continue to surprise me.  For all his progress, he’s still a really little kid and I can’t believe what he can pack away.  For the most part, he eats whatever we give him and cleans his plate.  His favorites are any protein heavy foods – especially yogurt and eggs.  Might be his body’s way of telling him what he needs.   

As far as cognitive and motor development go, Peanut is on track for his age now.  The kid who looked at toys in “what the heck” style consternation now expertly assembles puzzles and train tracks.  He makes “dinner” in his toy kitchen and loves arts and crafts – play dough, paints, crayons, etc. 

I am happy to report Peanut is now potty trained.  Some of his medical issues can delay potty training, but he seemed interested, so I bought some underwear and decided to give it a go.  Easiest kid ever to potty train.  

School

Kyle is thriving at Children’s World nursery.  He moved up to the “Butterflies” room before Christmas.  He is a class with other kids his age and doing beautifully.  We started him out in the toddler room because he was still adjusting to so many things, but he’s caught up and then some.  His caregivers report that he’s doing awesome…the one drawback is that he is now in the same room with Zack, so those two are pretty much together 24/7.  That has good points and bad.  The teachers say both Kyle and Zack get along with other kids well but bicker with each other. 

Kyle is eager to go to school each morning and sometimes sulks on non-school days.  Being in a classroom setting has done amazing things for his adjustment and vocabulary.  He correctly identifies most colors, matches objects, counts to ten (kind of) and is starting to sing songs by himself.  He’s easy to drop off – he happily goes to the breakfast table or the play area and will only once in a blue moon cry when I leave.  He is crazy excited to see me at the end of the day and seems entirely secure. He announces to the room “my mommy here” when I show up to take him home.  He’s delightful. 

Sibling Rivalry

Peanut and Doodlebug play well together about 80 percent of the time, which I think is pretty good.  They squabble over what to watch on TV and toys, but not outside of the range of typical.  They do a lot of hands on and pretend play and cooperate very well.  The bickering comes when they actually play with toys.  I said we weren’t going to be one of those families who buys 2 of everything and the kids were going to have to suck it up and take turns.  Not so much.  We pretty much have doubles of everything now.    

First night together in Jinan....oh-so-peaceful!

Still in Jinan...one of Doodlebug's first realizations that "this other kid wants to touch my stuff". 

Feb 2014 - relatively peaceful bathtimes (there is a ton of splashing involved daily)

Christmas morning 2013

Chinese New Year 2014 - Happy Year of the Horse!

Me:  "Act like you like each other". 

 

They play separately now and then or do activities by themselves in different rooms.  They seem to sense when it’s time to take a break from each other.  Their verbal abilities are to the point where they can have conversations with each other, and that is pretty funny to listen to. 

Doodlebug:  You farted

Peanut:  No I didn't, you did

Doodlebug:  No, you.

Repeat this about ten times

Doodlebug:  Sissy MY best friend

Peanut:  No, sissy MY best friend

Doodlebug:  We all best friends

Peanut: Doodles, you my best friend

Doodlebug:  I not share my grapes

Ninety-nine percent of their squabbles occur over what to watch on TV.  If one child wants to watch Sponge Bob that will be the ever loving last thing the other one wants to see.  I solve the problems by choosing their TV programs – they’re either both happy or unhappy and it keeps things simple.  Thankfully, Peanut has branched out to watching other things besides Barney the purple dinosaur.  Everyone is happy about that. 

Language

Peanut’s English is great and most people who spend time with him can understand what he says, although his annunciation still needs some work.  His Chinese “hold out” word is “bobo” which he says when he wants to be held or picked up.  Until about 2 weeks ago, he was calling Doodles “didi” (Chinese for little brother) but he’s using his proper name.  While I’m thrilled to see his language exploding, it makes me a little sad to see how quickly he’s lost his Mandarin.  

Social & Bonding

Peanut is easy going with a side of stubborn.   He’s a pouter when things don’t go his way, but a good tickle fest can usually cause him to lose his ‘tude quickly.  He likes people and likes being out and about. He’s not hesitant to interact with strangers but he doesn’t display any inappropriate affection of familiarity with anyone outside of our close circle, which is sometimes a concern with adopted kids.   

 

We’ve made great strides with attachment and bonding over the past few months.  Although Peanut quickly accepted us as caregivers, I would not say bonding and attachment came easily for any of us.  He allowed me to meet his needs from day one and showed clear preference for his parents versus other adults.  He accepted affection and would give kisses when asked for kisses.  He’d say “I love you” before we left his room at night.  All of these things seemed very routine versus having any real emotion attached to them. 

 

It is difficult to bare the fact that we had attachment/bonding issues with Peanut.  I try never to compare any of my children to one another, but my bonding experiences with Sissy and Doodlebug vastly differ from my bonding experience with Peanut. I felt a huge rush of love when my first two kids were placed in to my arms. Even though the circumstances of how I came to parent them was completely different, the instant maternal love was identical.  Things were different with Peanut.  I'd heard about attachment struggles from the adoption support group I'd joined when we brought Doodlebug home and I used to scoff at the mommies struggling to bond.  "They must be doing something wrong", I would smugly think.  I was totally in love with my new baby and all I wanted to do was kiss his head.  I know he might not have been quite as smitten with me at that point, but I did a lot of eye rolling at mommies who reported concerns about attachment to their new kids. 

 

Bringing Peanut home was humbling.  I was suddenly one of "those moms" who was struggling.  I'd thought I'd done everything right.  I was uber prepared...heck, I was an adoption veteran.  But Peanut & me...instant love it wasn't. 

 

My biggest concern was his lack of need for comfort when upset.  He would stand and cry but wouldn’t seek me out or reach for me.  He’d usually allow me to hold him but wouldn’t lean in, cling or hug back.  Although this was worrisome for me, I kept on showing frequent and liberal affection.  While he wasn’t particularly huggy, he was usually up for sitting on my lap or next to me out the couch, so I took advantage of these opportunities to be physically close to him. 

Some might find the phrase “fake it till you make it” distasteful, but the feelings of love and the bond between Peanut and I was something that had to grow.  It wasn’t “instant love” for us.  I felt protective but our bond had to evolve.  I credit the circumstances of the trip and aftermath with some of this.  The magnitude of his actual needs compared to what his paper file said was also a contributor.  At any rate, it took a while.  And that’s okay.   

Some days were just going through the motions.  Some days were really, really hard.  Some days were golden.  We kept plodding on and I cut myself some slack.  And, eventually things fell in to place.   

At about the five month mark, I noticed things were different.  I sat down to watch TV with Peanut, at his request.  He jumped on my lap, took my arm and locked it around his body.  He held on tight, making sure that I wasn’t going to let go of him.  I had only meant to sit for a second.  I didn’t really have time to sit at all.  But on that evening, Peanut wanted me to hold him, so I did.  I sat through the “Hula Duck” episode of Ni Hao Kai Lan, which I’ve seen way more times that I ever want to.  

 

A couple of days later, I woke up at about three in the morning to find Kyle curled up against my legs.  It’s rare that we don’t wake up with a kid in our bed, but that kid is never Peanut.  Since then, he sneaks in with us about once a week.  He doesn’t seem particularly distressed or afraid…he just comes in to hang out and snuggle, which is okay.  

At six months home, Peanut will seek me out when he’s distressed or has an “owie”.  He bumped his head in our kitchen last week and my husband picked him up.  He allowed the cuddles and them hollered for “mommy” and held his arms out for me.  He definitely thinks daddy is more fun, but when he’s “in distress” or wants someone to do something for him, he is a mommy’s boy.  That is A-OK with me.  

Peanut is one of the bright spots in my day.  I absolutely can’t imagine life without.  I love him every bit as much as my other kids and the stress and doubts present during the early days of our adoption seem like such a long time ago.  Bringing Peanut in to our family was a commitment that has resulted in some rocky times…and some amazing blessings. 

Me & Peanut 2 weeks ago at a Chinese New Year party

Medical exam in China.  We had known each other 6 days. 

About an hour after meeting.  He was still wondering who the loud redhead was but he tolerated me (I had snacks).  

Medical

Peanut continues to be a pretty healthy kid.  We have some follow up blood testing to be done in March – he’s being re-screened for certain parasites and infectious disease, just as a precaution.  We are also having genetic testing done – our doctor offered it and we’re going to press forward with it (simple blood testing) to see if there is any “missing puzzle pieces” we’re able to put together about his medical history. 

On the 26^th of February, Peanut is having some testing done under anesthesia.  His urinary system is going to need some reconstruction – whether that is major or minor, we’re not sure.  The testing will tell and if it’s a minor fix, they may be able to take care of it on the spot.  This will result in some short-term discomfort for our boy, who isn’t too crazy about any medical professionals in the first place. 

We’re hoping and praying that the fix will be minor.  If it isn’t, we’ll likely have to readdress this when we get to wherever we’re going in the fall of 2014.  If things look complicated, we simply don’t have enough time left in the UK to pursue anything that is going to require a great deal of follow up care.  It’s a shame because we really do like his urologist and feel comfortable with him.  It would stink to start at square one once we make the big move. 

And there you have it – six months

I blinked and six months passed by.  I think we’re past the first big hurdle and life is good.  I have no idea what the next six months hold.  Much is up in the air for our family but I am excited to see what is around the corner for us. 

On the playground, Feb '14, enjoying rare English winter sunshine...brrrrr!

My crazy crew

 

We are in contact with the staff at Peanut’s orphanage.  We exchanged email info with them at the time of adoption and they send us a note about every other month.  We send them pictures and let them know that he is okay…we have yet to really give them any info or ask questions but we’re very fortunate the door is open. 

I wasn’t sure if I wanted to open that door.  The condition Peanut was in when we adopted him causes me some angst, although I believe they did care for him and thought they were doing the best they could.  A friend reminded me that it wasn't my door.  Until Peanut is old enough to decide if he wants to open that door, I am sort of the doorstop.  Perhaps my willingness to communicate will bring answers one day.  For now, I’m content not to ask questions. 

Peanut’s extreme fear of medical personnel and dogs continue to perplex me.  I get that the poking and prodding he has to endure isn’t fun, but his reaction goes beyond what makes sense. Now that he has some language ability, he’s told me “dogs eat your face”.  He shows no signs of ever being bitten, but I kind of wonder if he saw someone bit or if someone told him this.  We happened on a lady walking some sort of poodle mix on our way home from school last week and he about climbed up my leg.  For Peanut, there is no “nice doggy”.

Peanut is a treasure, a challenge, a blessing and sometimes, a bit of a mystery.  Looking forward to so many more milestones and firsts with you, sweet boy.  I am so honored to be your mom and “saying yes” to you is something I thank God for every day.
 
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Pack Like A Pro For China!

I have two China adoption trips under my belt.  Sooooo, I’m the self-proclaimed subject matter expert when it comes to totally awesome China packing. 

Disclaimer #1:
I’ve traveled a bunch.  I know a good many first-time adoptive parents traveling to China may be taking their first trip outside the United States.  I recently read the blog of a mom who had never flown prior to leaving for China to go and get her sweetie.  Those of you who have a few trips under your belt can probably relate well to my packing tips.  Those who are “newbie” travelers, take my tips with a grain of salt.  Nothing is more important than your comfort and mental well-being on a trip like this.  If you really think you need a separate suitcase for food and two tubs of Clorox Wipes, don’t let my recommendations sway you from what you feel most comfortable with. 
For packing, I operate under three basic principles.  Ready? 

1.   Less is always more.  Always, always, and always. 
2.   China is not the moon.  It is not the end of the world.  If you forget something, you can do without or buy it there.  It’s TWO WEEKS people.  Deal. 
3.   The only thing you “need” is yourself, your paperwork and travel arrangements (a place to crash and a ticket home).  The rest can be negotiated and improvised. 

Disclaimer #2

I have only been to China in the hot part of the summer.  The part where it is hot every-stinking-where in China.  I can probably coach you through winter packing if you’re unsure, but I have never been to China in the winter. 

Disclaimer #3

I have only adopted toddler boys in diapers who are off the bottle and not on formula.  I know nothing about Chinese formula versus US formula, or cleft bottles. 

Luggage & Such

·        Never have more than one checked bag per person

·        Consolidate when you can (mom and dad share a suitcase, brother and sister share a suitcase) and/or mish-mosh everyone’s stuff in all the checked bags (as in EVERYONE traveling has at least one outfit packed in ALL of the bags, so that no one is totally left in the lurch if one bag is lost/delayed.         For our last “very awesomely packed” China trip, we had four people leaving and five coming back.  We took 3 checked bags and packed a cloth duffle inside of one of the bags that could be used as an additional checked bag on the way home. 

·        Use packing cubes.  We used these:  http://www.amazon.co.uk/eBags-Packing-Cubes-3pc-Grasshopper/dp/B0013KGELU/ref=sr_1_1/280-8696324-3812369?ie=UTF8&qid=1380138229&sr=8-1&keywords=ebags+packing+cubes

Each family member/traveler had their own color cube, so it helped cut down on digging through suitcases trying to find our stuff.  It also helps cut down on potential over-packing (as in you give your loved one/travel buddy X number of cubes and say “all your stuff has to fit in here”).  I find the cubes to be more of an organizational (OK, some might say OCD) tool versus a compression tool, but the bags compress a little.  I’ve heard of people doing the vacuum sealed thing to save space in their bags, but that won’t minimize your weight and the air WILL leak in at some point, leaving you a mess on the backside of the trip.  TRUST ME on this.  I vacuum packed for a cruise once.  It was great while packing to go/unpacking once there but a nightmare trying to repack to go home.

·        Each adult took one regular backpack and each child took their own mini backpack.  I used these for the littles:http://www.potterybarnkids.com/products/mackenzie-backpacks-blue-camo/?cm_src=AutoCSLPIP These little packs can hold a change of clothes, a snack and a few toys and can be comfortably carried by a mobile toddler. 

·        Each traveler should have a complete change of clothes (if wearing jeans, a clean shirt and a clean pair of undies) and a small toiletry kit in their carry on.  This will eliminate “funky-ness” if the flight is delayed or give you a clean change if your three year old spills spaghetti on you during the in-flight meal.  Really, can you believe they actually put marinara sauce on the kid’s meal? 

·        Travel light.  I cannot stress this enough.  Consider your new blessing on the flip side.  Are you going to be able to juggle your suitcases, etc and a new child (plus any you brought with you) while sprinting through the airport trying to make a gate that you’re late for?  It is soooo much better to be mobile than to be prepared.  This is A LOT of traveling and A LOT of moving around, people.  You don’t want to have a caravan of bulky stuff.

·        Strollers – I am a BIG FAN of taking a stroller to China or buying one there (assuming of course that you have or are adopting little ones).  For our first trip, Lee and I talked about taking a stroller, but hesitated to do so because on the trip over, we had no child with us.  How would we explain that to the airlines?  We were afraid of “uh…where’s the baby, you crazy people?”  Looking back, I think we would have managed without being charged (or sent for observation), but we didn’t take a stroller, nonetheless.  We did, however, buy a stroller for Zack about thirty-seconds after meeting Zack.  I exaggerate…but just a little.  My twenty-six pounds of burning love cried for an hour upon meeting me and then fell asleep on me in exhaustion.  Twenty-six pounds of sleeping dead weight kid is no fun.  We high tailed it to the closest Wal-Mart and bought a stroller.  On our SECOND trip, we took a double stroller.  A MAC truck of a double stroller, at that.  We were allowed to gate check it most places we went and it was a great luggage catch-all when we had one rider.  Even when we had two riders, we had a bin underneath and the handles (stuff can hang from there) to lighten our loads a little.  Thinking about taking a stroller?  Do it.  Loved, loved, loved having our strollers both trips.  There are places in China that are not stroller friendly, but your guides will let you know what they are.  Your guides will give you the briefing on “what to bring tomorrow” and you’ll have the opportunity to ask yes or no on the stroller.  Two trips and our guides never steered us wrong. 

·        We also took one Ergo carrier both trips.  It was a little tricky on the second trip with two littles who both wanted to be carried, but we made it work.  We loved having the Ergo.  It stayed in our checked luggage (didn’t take up much space/weight) on the way there for Trip #1 and squished it in a backpack for Trip #2.  We got the heavy canvas carrier that holds up to 45 pounds and really like it.  It’s a “man friendly” dark khaki and Lee has never complained about wearing it, which he might have done if it had had cutesy butterflies or something.  Honestly – DO-OVER ALERT – I wish we’d have grabbed a second for our second trip since Zack had some jealousy issues and wanted to be carried, also. 

To Flip Flop or not to Flip Flop?

·      “You can’t wear flip flops in China…because of the garbage”

·      “Bring flip flops to wear inside your hotel but don’t wear them outside because it’s unsanitary”. 

·      “People pee in the streets of China, so better not wear your flip flops”. 

To my flip flopping sisters – flop on.  Unless it’s snowing.  Then you’re just silly.  Or from the Upper Peninsula of Michigan (go Lions…hey…they need the love, right?).  The garbage anywhere in China that I’ve been is no worse than any other major US city.  And if you see garbage…well for Heaven’s sake, woman, don’t step in it.  People do pee in the streets of China.  Usually young children who aren’t fully potty trained.  These children usually pee (under their parent’s supervision) into some sort of street drain.  If you have visions of your delicate flip flopped tootsies wading through rivers of pee…well, you’ve not been in any part of China I’ve been to.  I would not recommend flips for any sort of long-day stuff that resembles hiking.  FYI, the Great Wall is CLIMBING STUFF.  Truly, it is.  Wear good shoes.  But, for dinner or a casual walk about town, flips or sandals are OK.  In SUMMER, people.  Take your cues from the locals. 

Kid’s Clothes

·        For each trip, we took 6 outfits per child, PLUS a pair of long pants and a hoodie (we were coming from summer in China to what passes for summer in England). 

·        We brought shorts and tee shirts and two pair of PJs for each child. 

·        DO OVER ALERT – we’d have definitely brought more dry-weave stuff.  Our second summer in China was crazy hot and our boys’ cotton t-shirts were drenched after just a short time out in the sun.

·        We did not bring shoes for our new child.  Each of our kids came to us in decent shoes that fit.  We bought new shoes in Guangzhou for both and saved the “Gotcha Day” shoes.  Had our kids come to us shoeless, we’d have felt comfortable asking our guide to take us to buy them.  Don’t second guess the shoe sizes…totally not worth the space it takes up in your luggage.  Buy there.

·        For our first adoption (2 year old) we brought about half a pack of diapers and bought the rest of what we needed in China.  Warning – Chinese diapers seem to be less absorbent than American diapers (even if they say Pampers or Huggies on the packaging), so save your American diapers for long days out or the trip home.  For our second adoption, we took Pull Ups and night-time diapers for both boys.  Zack was mostly potty trained but we didn’t feel like dealing with underwear, accidents and the mad rush to find the closest potty “right now”, so Pull Ups it was.  We’ve heard that it is hard to find Pull Ups in China, but we saw them everywhere in Wal-Mart type stores/supermarkets.  So…we ended up taking a truckload of Pull Ups.  When we pack Pull Ups or diapers, we take them out of the package and pad the perimeter of the bags with them.  For me, this is the most space saving way to pack them. 

·        As it turned out, Kyle was way smaller than we’d been told, so we ended up having to buy all new clothes and diapers for him, anyway.  We had LOTS of extra Pull Ups

·      Other Kid’s Stuff

·      Toys – do NOT take a ton of toys.  Don’t waste the space in your luggage.  Obviously, if you’re traveling with kids on the way over, you will have to take something for them to do – I totally recommend electronic entertainment.  Zack watched movies on our tablet or slept most of the way to China.  I took a few small things for him to do in his backpack as well, but everything fit in to his little kid sized pack.  For toys to give your new child or toys to play with in China, a couple of simple things such as stacking cups, a toy cell phone and a couple of toy cars was plenty.  The kids will most likely want to play with something they are not supposed to or something other than a toy.  Neither one of my kids was remotely interested in a stuffed animal or lovey while in China.  While we were in Jinan (Shandong Province), Zack and Kyle were most interested in playing with small, plastic coffee cups that we’d taken from our dinner trays on the flight over (shhh).  Also, keep in mind that kids coming from an institutional setting may not be used to having a lot.  Kyle wasn’t used to having anything and didn’t need or know what to do with a lot of toys.  Even Zack, coming from a foster home where he was fairly spoiled was well entertained with just a couple of things.  And…referring to basic principle #2 – buy stuff there.  You can buy all sorts of cheap kid’s stuff in China.  If you’re trying to economize on space, consider a blow-up beach ball.  It weighs next to nothing.  We took this both times and it entertained our children for a whopping 10 minutes, tops.  It might work better for you, but bottom line, an entire bag full of toys, coloring books, Play Dough and stickers…not really needed. 

 

·      Clothes for Me

·      I took six outfits this last trip, plus what I wore to travel in – slightly more on my first trip.  I took four dresses, two skorts and one reversible knit skirt.  I took four tops that could be worn with any of the skirts, two of them were dry-weave. 

·        I took 2 pairs of PJs and enough unmentionables to get me through the trip…lots of people say they wash this stuff out in the sink, but really, these don’t take up much space.  Really large granny bloomers might, but I won’t go there. 

·        I took 3 pairs of shoes each trip (could have gotten by with two).  This last time I took Skechers Mary Janes, not quite likes these but almost (and I actually have these shoes, too, super comfy)

http://www.skechers.com/style/13564/skechers-gowalk-legacy/nat

a pair of Ecco walking sandals (bought several years ago) and a pair of “nicer” flippies.  I mostly wore my Mary Janes.  They were sturdy enough to trek the Great Wall and cute enough to wear with a skirt or dress for an official appointment. 

·        My travel outfit was a light sweater and a maxi dress.  Light, but kept me warm on the plane. 

·        I favor things that all go together or really splashy (stain hiding) prints. 

·        Thoughts on looking cute – It was hot and we were busy.  I wore my hair in a bun or ponytail most of the time & took no hair appliances (BTW, every hotel we’ve ever stayed in while in China has a hairdryer).  I also took a ball cap, but only wore it a couple of times.  I took a small makeup bag and a few pieces of jewelry.  It does make me feel better to make an effort, even though China was not a fashion show or a place I had to “show face”.  I still liked being able to feel put together.  I am of the mindset that families should make an effort to dress nice for official appointments – and that is any time you will be meeting Chinese officials for your adoption.  For the guy who was wearing jorts and a t-shirt with the sleeves cut off for Gotcha Day – shame on you.  ‘Nuff said.  

·        You can do laundry cheaply in China.  You can also wash stuff out in the sink (more of a reason to bring dry-weave or “travel” clothes – check out www.exofficio.com)

·      Toiletries

·      All hotels in China will have shampoo, body, wash, lotion, and toothbrush/toothpaste.  Many will have conditioner, razors with shaving cream, and other amenities, such as Q-tips, cotton, laundry powder, sewing kits, and bath salts. 

·      For me, I only took my Olay face wipes, the lotion I normally use on my face, my razor (gotta have my own) and some deodorant.  I also took some scented body lotion that pretty much worked as my “stink pretty” for the trip.  All of this, plus my makeup and other stuff, such as tweezers, scissors, nail clippers and my jewelry bag fit in to one makeup bag.   There is a picture below. 

·      I took what I felt I needed to get through the trip.  If you leave something behind, don’t sweat it.  You can buy most any sort of toiletry item in China.  I’ve been to only 5 cities in China – not a huge amount of China travel compared to some – but I’ve never not been able to find what I was looking for if I needed it.  I’ve bought foot powder, cold medicine, baby supplies, and nail polish remover at a Chinese Wal-Mart, or equivalent.  I recently read someone’s blog who talked about how much the Chinese people smelled and that deodorant wasn’t sold there.  My experience was different, I’m happy to say.  I didn’t smell any funky people (other than possibly Americans in my travel group who’d been out and about sweating all day) and I saw deodorant for sale in several places.  To each their own, I guess.  

·      Miscellaneous Really Awesome Stuff I Was Glad I Had

·      I took my Thirty-One Large Utility Tote and Retro Metro Weekender in my checked luggage.  Both sat on the bottom of the bags, took up no space and almost no weight.  The LUT, I used as a laundry hamper while we were in China and could have used it as a pool bag or shopping bag if I’d have wanted to.  It kept our hotel room less cluttered and it made taking our laundry down for washing easy.  The Retro Metro was an additional checked back on our way home.  It held dirty laundry and freed up luggage space for the things we bought in China. 

·      Baby Got Bags – I took all sizes of ziplock bags and lots of plastic grocery bags.  I stuffed these in to every cranny of my luggage.  These have all sorts of uses.  Sealing a dirty diaper is a HUGE one.  All Chinese hotels come with these itty bitty powder room sized trash cans and liners are apparently a Western luxury that have not caught on.  The little plastic (un-green) grocery bags are great to keep your garbage from stinking up the hotel room.  We used baggies to contain toiletry items, to organize hair clips and jewelry, to take dry cereal (hello, free baby snacks) from the breakfast buffet, and to store wet or smelly clothes that didn’t get washed/dried before you have to move on to the next leg of your trip. 

·      Tide Pen and pouch of laundry detergent.  We did send out for laundry twice during our last China trip.  Having laundry sent out, even if it’s through the hotel, is cheaper and easier than dragging an extra suitcase.  And…nicer than wearing dirty clothes.  We did rinse out some things in the sink in our room here and there.  Another reason to bring dry weave stuff!  In cooler weather, I imagine you get more mileage out of your clothes, but in the summer (especially in the South) your clothes are done after one day (assuming you’ve gone outside at some point). 

·      A Ziploc bag of Clorox or Lysol wipes.  I used to laugh when I saw these on all of the “packing lists”.  I’ve actually seen adoptive moms in China “de-germ” a surface before allowing their darlings to interact with it.  I’ve heard of adoptive moms “re-cleaning” their “yucky” Chinese hotel room.  Please.  Anyhoo…I am the least germophobic mom you’ll ever meet.  So.  I have no idea what nervous Nellie’s spirit took over my body when I packed this bag of disinfecting wipes, but I am SO GLAD I did.  One of my boys had a nasty diaper accident.  No, I didn’t Lysol my child (yes, it was briefly considered) but it was a huge mess in our hotel bathroom at night and I’m glad I had a way to clean it up.  I only used a couple, but man-oh-man, I am so glad I had a couple to use.  Had I not had these, I would have had to call housekeeping and it was nice for all of us to avoid that. 

·      A small bottle of Downy Fabric Refresher.  I used this to spritz on our “encore performance” clothing (which there wasn’t much of because of the heat), to release some of the wrinkles in our packed clothes and as a bathroom air freshener. 

·      Medications

·      We were not able to get “preventive” Rx meds.  We really didn’t need any, either time, but on my next trip to China, if we have the opportunity to get them, I will take them.  Whoa…did I just type that?  Well…I’m still in the post-adoption PTSD stage, so maybe I’ve got a little keyboard Turret’s going on.  That said, we did take a pretty extensive medical kit with a little bit of everything in it.  Here is a picture of my bag, along with my cosmetic/toiletry bag and our "laundry hamper".  The big purple paisley tote folds flat and is light.  Sits in the bottom of my suitcase.  :

I take my black medical bag everywhere I travel, and even if I don’t need something out of it, someone with me usually does.  Yep.  I am the Girl Scout with the Pepto or the ear drops, every time.  I don’t really bring a huge amount of anything I don’t take on a regular basis, and if there is something I do take on a regular basis, I bring it plus a week’s extra supply – you never know when you might get delayed.  Ha. Ha. Ha.  I also take a few first aid supplies – nothing fancy, but a few bandages and some antibiotic ointment, for sure. 

·      Electronics:

·      Get a Panda Phone.  Google it.  This is a Chinese cell phone rental service that drops your phone off at your “entry” hotel and allows you to return it at your “exit” hotel.  It is meant to be for local calls in China, NOT to call/text your family back in the US.  For that, get a calling plan or use Skype.  We felt better/safer with having a way to connect to our hotel/our guide while wandering around in China.  We didn’t use our Panda Phone a bunch but it was worth having.  For each trip, it cost us about $50.00 to have/use during our stay in China. 

·      Use a Zuni Router.  I’m not electronics savvy enough to really explain what that is…but you should totally take one.  We didn’t have a wireless router on our first trip and did on our second and it made a difference.  We were ALWAYS able to get on the internet and always had a strong signal.

·      Get at least 2 VPNs – and make sure they work before you leave.  We used Express VPN and Panda Pow.

·      We took (on our most recent trip) a laptop, 2 tablets, a kindle and 3 smart phones.  Does seems like a lot, but we did have a lot of kid stuff loaded on the tablets and I liked having the keyboard to blog.  I used my Android phone quite a bit to look at Facebook and to post brief updates. 

·      We did not take a power cord/converters.  We wished we had but we were all right without. 

·      Food and Stuff

·      If you have a blog or a pack list that includes a disposable tablecloth (so your kids can play on the floor of the hotel without getting dirty), a set of dishes, packets of oatmeal or macaroni and cheese cups – I have (nicely) poked fun at you.  Ditto for any kitchen supplies, cleaning supplies and utensils.  But…follow your gut.  As I said above, I did pack Clorox Wipes and I’m ever glad I did. 

·      There is food in China.  Eat it.  Unless you are super picky or on a special diet, just go with the flow.  We took a few pop tarts, bags of trail mix and granola bars, mostly because our Beijing Hotel did not include breakfast and to “pay as you go” breakfast would have been about $25.00 per head.  We could have just as easily gone out to 7-11 and bought some snacks/quick things to eat.  We were always able to find Western style snack food and things that we recognized and felt comfortable with.  For quick meals in the room, there are so many noodle bowls for sale in China, and even things like peanut butter and Ritz crackers are there.  I’d never pack food, but I know a lot of people do it. 

·      HOWEVER…we did pack quite a bit of “Starbucks Via” individual coffee packets…although there were Starbucks everywhere we went and they could have been snagged along the way.  Most hotel rooms have tea bags but instant coffee is hit or miss.  The coffee at the breakfast buffets is mediocre.  I need coffee upon waking so that I’m not evil.  When it comes to packing, I generally say there is a difference between a want and a need, and yes, friends, I NEED my coffee.  Ask my family.  They’ll explain it to you. 

·      My Bottom Line:

·      Enjoy China.  Enjoy every second, for the amazing opportunity you have to be in the birth country of your child. No matter how crappy your trip might turn out to be, that still may be your only memory of your child's birth country when they sit on your lap later on and say "tell me about...". 

·      Allow yourself to think in the temporary.  Your China adoption trip is not forever.  Get through it.  If you forgot your deodorant or the hotel breakfast buffet doesn’t meet your expectations…deal.  Tread water.  This is a small pocket in your “real life”.

·      Pack light.  Pack what you absolutely must have and don’t worry too much about “what if”. 

·      Prepare to have a great, crazy, wonderful, at times stressful and uncomfortable trip.  Real life and real bonding/attachment begins when you are HOME.  Tread water and get through China.  If they don’t have your exact brand of Pringles or if you forget your eyeliner – you’ll be OK.

Cheers, People.