Week 29

It has been 29 weeks since we received pre-approval from the China Center for Children’s Welfare Activities to proceed with Kyle’s adoption. 

This week has been…

Hectic.  That is all.

Big Adoption News:  We have our Consulate Appointment!  Our “exit interview” is scheduled for August 20^th, so now we are able to make our travel arrangements, which we are in the process of doing right now.    

Next Up…

Just waiting to firm up the last details of our trip.  Our agency makes some of the arrangements for us and we make some of the arrangements ourselves through a travel agent that is familiar with adoption travel.  Once we have all of the details hammered out I will post our itinerary.  We do know that we are going to meet Kyle on the 11^th of August at 4:30 PM and THAT is very exciting news. 

 

 

Fun Things We Did This Week:

We stayed pretty close to home and are focused on getting prepared for our trip.  We had a fun afternoon out at a shrimp boil today but mostly, we’ve been focused on cleaning, sorting, packing for two back-to-back trips (more on that later) and getting the little necessities taken care of (kenneling the cat, stopping the mail, MASSIVE freezer cooking efforts so we will have meals ready to eat when we get back). 

Yes…this is really happening. 

 

 

 

 

Week 28

 

It has been 28 weeks since we received pre-approval from the China Center for Children’s Welfare Activities to proceed with Kyle’s adoption. 

This week has been…

Calming – at least things were calm around here until Friday night when we got our big news.  This week I have really tried to focus on the things that were important to me and not dwell on the things that won’t matter in the long run or things I can’t change.  Adoption is very stressful…maybe I make it more so than it needs to be, but instead of whining about having no support network, I’ve tried to take the approach of taking care of myself and focus on the people in my life that are important to me.  I have some very important people who are counting on me to hold my poop together.  I know that many people who we interact with day-to-day just don’t “get it” when it comes to our adoptions.  While that makes me sad…it’s time to put on my big girl panties and press on.  Like my friend Suzie would say – suck it up, buttercup.    

Big Adoption News:  We have Travel Approval!  This means that China has invited us to come over and complete Kyle’s adoption.  We were actually a little surprised about this and not expecting this till next week.

This is what TA looks like- what all the big fuss is about!  The picture is one we'd not seen before and is probably the earliest picture of Kyle there is...most likely from his "finding ad".  He was pretty sick when he was found and while I can tell that is Kyle...it is so nice to see a happy/healthy 3 year old boy in the pics we're so lucky to have. 

Next big expense…

We received an invoice from our agency this week for $3,000.00.  There are still some FedEx fees to be paid as well – we have probably spent about $500 per adoption in FedEx fees, which are paid out a little at a time…I really try not to think about it but that is a “hidden cost” that adds up.  Travel will be a MAJOR expense for us.  We will be hammering out the details of all of that this coming week.  I’d hoped we’d have a better outcome with the grants but we are really hoping that we get some good news from the remaining three that we have out there. 

Next Up…

Finalization of our Consulate Appointment (CA) from the US Consulate in Guangzhou, China.  This is the “exit interview” that all American families must go through before leaving China with their newly adopted children.  All other appointments/travel are triggered off of this one appointment, so until the consulate confirms our appointment, we can’t tell you when we are leaving or when we will meet Kyle.  We’ve requested the 19^th of August, which would put us as leaving England around 7-8 August and coming back on the 20-21^st of August, but until we get confirmation of our CA, we are in limbo. 

Fun Things We Did This Week:

I took a much needed day off of work last week and took the train in to London.  I had lunch at Five Guys (the American food fix did wonders) and did some shopping & visiting with a lady who is in my DTC Facebook group (this is about 200 moms who are roughly at the same point in the China process as we are).  This new friend is an American living in London with her family and it was very good for my soul to be able to talk to someone who “gets it”.  The adoption process has been really stressful for me and (what I perceive as) the lack of support we get from others has been wearing on me.  I guess international adoption isn’t something easily understood unless it’s personally touched you, and it was just really good for me to have some of my feelings validated and to be able to talk to someone who understands. 

As far as other fun, just a quiet weekend of hanging out and a little bit of housework, and throwing around different travel scenarios.  Our family calendar got completely screwed up this weekend and I managed to mess up all of our plans by my scheduling snafus, but I think the unplanned down time was good for all of us. 

Cheers. 

 

Laundry, Unmentionables, & Repurposing

Taking a break from some of the adoption blogging to pass on a few recent money saving success stories. 

Laundry on the Cheap

I blogged a few months ago about making my own laundry soap.  I made a batch in mid-March and I’m just now running out in July.  I have 4 people in my family and we do a lot of laundry.  I had always meant to share a cheapie solution for fabric softener, but I never got around to it.  So here goes. 

I have had the same bottle of fabric softener for 4+ months.  It’s about half full now.  I keep a small plastic container in my laundry room filled with diluted liquid fabric softener.  I use 3 parts water to 1 part softener.  I keep a couple of rags inside this container and before I start the dryer, I wring one out and toss it in.  I have no issues with static and my clothes smell nice.  The downside is that it is a little bit messy.  A dryer sheet is neater but my messier method is about one-tenth the cost of buying sheets, so…

 

My cheap laundry solutions have saved me a ton of money and not cost me very much time.  Success! 

Online Shopping

Most everyone shops online these days, especially those of us living overseas.  Don’t get me wrong, its fun to shop in England, but it’s expensive and some things just aren’t the same.  A friend told me about Coupon Cabin shortly after I moved here.  I NEVER buy anything online without checking for an online code.  Through trial and error, I pretty much know which company is always going to have something and which companies never do.  I almost always snag a discount, a freebie or free shipping on whatever I’m buying. 

www.couponcabin.com

The site is user friendly.  Just search for your store.  There is a feedback form for bad codes but I’ve never had any not work. 

Major score today – I bought two bras at from Victoria’s Secret online.  I used two separate coupon codes (some sites allow you to use multiple codes) and got: 

          Free shipping

          A free pair of undies

          A free beach bag

Yes, I know not everyone wants to read about my underwear and trust me, I don’t want to provide more detail than that…but come on!  That’s pretty amazing!  The beach bag I don’t need, but Christmas is coming.  The shipping was about $13.00, so it was nice to have that back in my pocket. 

And finally…

Cuttin’ Up

I try to recycle, reuse and repurpose.  That whole green thing, you know.  I recently started flattening and cutting up thin cardboard boxes (think cereal, granola bars, crackers) in to index card sized pieces.  I can use them for anything I would use a notecard for (notes, a list, etc) but I mostly use them for Doodlebug.  These are great to keep him entertained when we are traveling.  He can draw or color and make “postcards” or I can give him a sheet of stickers and he’ll stick the stickers on the card.  I recently bought a bunch of 75% off stickers, so that makes a cheap way of keeping him entertained on a train or plane for about 30 seconds – a little longer if I am lucky. 

So, I’ve saved some money doing my laundry and keeping my kiddo entertained, got a good deal on some new unmentionables and got a little jump on my Christmas shopping.  Life in the frugal lane is sweet.  Cheers!

100 Good Wishes

This is not a post about sewing.  Everyone knows I can't sew...OK, I can sew a button on in a pinch, but that's about it.  It's something I've always wanted to learn how to do but never got around to learning. 

I am collecting quilt squares for my boys for a Bai Jia Bei, or 100 Good Wishes Quilt. It is a Chinese custom for friends and family to welcome a new baby with patches of cloth and a wish for the child.  Part of the cloth goes in to the quilt and swatch of fabric stays in a notebook/memory book for the child.  The swatches of fabric are said to contain the luck, energy and good wishes of the contributor. 

I feel pretty strongly about preserving any small pieces of Chinese heritage and culture for my boys.  Maybe it's because I feel some sadness that I missed so much of their early years.  Maybe I feel some guilt that I caused them to be taken from their home country, despite the better opportunities that they will undoubtedly enjoy as part of our family. 

I really try to absorb and inject small pieces of Chinese culture in to our lives, but I'm sure I fall short.  Learning to cook a couple of passable Chinese dishes, handing out red envelopes for Chinese New Year and using a few simplified (and what I'm sure are badly pronounced) Chinese words here and there just don't seem enough.  But a quilt I can do...and if I can't do it, I can sure cause it to be done.  I know people who sew! 

So far, I have 30 quilt squares for each of my boys and I have the promise that about half a dozen more are in the mail/will come soon.  I've loved looking at all of the different prints and reading all of the wishes.  Most - though not all - are from a quilt swap I did with other "China moms". 

Any way you look at it, I'm nowhere near 100.  I could make a quilt (again...stressing not me make it exactly but you know what I mean) with 50 or so squares. But I don't want that.  I want to preserve the tradition.  I want the benefit/mojo/luck...whatever...of all 100 wishes. 

Some have asked about things Kyle might need or welcome home gifts.  We don't need a thing.  We've got enough toys for two kids to fight over and I'm a thrift shop/clearance rack girl for clothes and such - we're good.  What I would really love is to get to 100 with my quilt squares.  Who wants a 36 good wishes quilt?  Just not the same!

Here are the details:
Cotton fabric, preferably fabric that has been washed.  It doesn't have to be new and it doesn't have to be any particular pattern.  Something that represents the person who gives it would be nice, but really, any cotton fabric is fine.

Most of my squares are 8X8 - 10X10.  I will probably end up cutting them down a little bit. 

The "wish" can be written/typed on any sort of paper, but a 3X5 index card size is nice.  Each "wish" has a swatch of the fabric attached to it so that we can someday pick out the wish that corresponds to the square on the quilt and see who it is from.  I've got all of our wishes in a photo album.  There are some that are really fancy with craft paper, caligraphy and clever paper craft techniques and some that are really simple.  Some of the "wishes" are scriptures, some are Chinese proverbs, some are just things that were written from the heart.  You can use a line from a poem or a lyric from a song...whatever inspires you and represents you. 

I hope my boys never feel sorry for themselves because of their beginnings.  I hope we can raise them to be strong and confident young men who are proud of who they are and where they came from.  That said, the fact that their birth families chose not to raise them might cause them some pain one day.  I'm not sure if the wishes in tangible form that 100 people made when they were small and just joining their new family would mitigate any angst they might someday feel.  But...it comforts me to know that I did my best to make sure they had some reminders to show how much they were loved, welcomed and wanted by our family. 

If you are reading this, I would love for you to be a part of this quilt.  I would love for you to share this with anyone you think might be interested in being a part of this project.  If you would like to swap squares with me, you can leave a comment here or email me at jillhudkins@hotmail.com.  I'll accept a square from anyone who has a good wish, but you will have to let me know if you would like to collect a wish in return. 

My mailing address is: PSC 41 Box 2764, APO AE 09464.  It's a military post office box overseas - no foreign postage, but the envelope may need a customs form.  It's New York postage rate. 

I am collecting squares for BOTH Zack and Kyle. I didn't swap squares while we were in the process of Zack's adoption - the whole sewing thing scared me off.  But...I learned a little more about the tradition behind the quilt and I think it's a lovely sentiment.  I would like to be able to sew these myself but in reality, I probably won't.  I do want them to look nice and be the heirloom piece that they're intended to be and I don't think my "entry level" sewing would cut it.  I've had a few very kind ladies offer to help me, and I will most certainly be taking someone up on that. 

Cheers, people!

Ramblings of a Reformed Over-Packer

We don't have airline tickets.  We don't have travel dates.  Heck, we don't even have travel approval.  But...by golly, I am packing.  Why?  Because in this jumble of adoption paperwork, waiting, uncertainty and more waiting, this is something I can control.  Control freak, you say?  Yeah...I've been accused of that a time or two. But it's true - my comfort zone is about being in control, because that is what is familiar to me.  I'm used to manipulating my environment.  I'm used to calling the shots, making the decisions.  Two years of almost constant back-to-back waiting for one thing or another in our adoption processes has been my undoing.  The wait, uncertaintly and lack of control does not get easier to deal with.  At least not for me. 

So.  I manipulate what I can within Jillville - my own little corner of the universe.  I stack.  I sort.  I organize.  I make lists, mental and otherwise. 

To say my dear husband and I are well-traveled is an understatement.  We've been around the world and back together and he is a great travel partner.  I've had the privlege of visiting four different continents with Lee and I couldn't ask for a better person to see the world with.  We don't exactly see packing the same way, though.  His "night before we leave" approach...well, that just doesn't work for me. 

I can finally say that I'm over my over-packing.  I used to be a big-time contingency packer.  As in two suitcases plus carry-on for a week away from home.  As in accessories for all occassions and several "just in case" outfits.  I'd shake my head when I returned home when I unpacked and inveitably came accross all of the stuff I'd taken that I did not use.  I've actually gotten pretty good at taking what I need, using what I take and dealing with it if I needed (but didn't have) what I didn't think I needed. 

The two suitcases in the picture are the China trip suitcases for me and both of my boys.  The smaller one could actually be a carry-on, but I will probably choose to check it.  It is already about 75 percent packed and has lots of room.  It will have more room when Kyle's backpack (that blue camo thing) comes out.  More room for the stuff I might buy in China.  I do love shopping. 

The larger suitcase is for me and will hold a few miscellaneous things like medications/first aid stuff, an extra duffle in case we need to bring more back that we anticipate, and the gifts we are required to give the officials in China who help us complete our adoption.  It is a medium sized rolling suitcase and will have room to spare. 

The gifts - pictured above - were chosen with space and weight in mind.  It's a bag full of small makeup items that were all bought using coupons stacked with clearance sales.  Covergirl eyeshadow was marked at $3.50 on clearance (which is really cheap) and I had a bunch of $1.00 and $2.00 off coupons.  Score.  Each gift will consist of two makeup items...the orphanage director will get a larger bag of assorted makeup. I bought the tissue paper on clearance for 75% off. All of this cost about $30.00 and fits in to the front pocket of my bag.  Yes...I'm cheap.  I prefer frugal but I will answer to cheap. 

My entire family is traveling to China...I've got myself and the boys covered.  The other two are responsible for their own packing.  I am not saying there will be the eleventh hour "so, did you pack my underwear" because I'm in denial.  But seriously. Everyone gets 6 outfits plus what we wear on the plane and everyone takes 2 pairs of shoes, except the boys.  I know we can find cute and cheap shoes in China for both little guys and I'm not going to try and guess Kyle's shoe size.  Hopefully, he will have shoes when we get him.  If not, we'll deal. 

We are taking a small packet of detergent, in case we need to handwash some stuff.  We hope to get to Guangzhou before having to do laundry (cheap and easy to send out there).  Everyone says "oh my goodness, don't do laundry in the provinces, it's soooo expensive".  But...in the grand scheme of things, I am thinking a small load probably isn't going to bankrupt us at this point, so we'll look at laundry service in Shandong if we must.  I favor prints and things that sort of go together, so I can mix and match and hide the spills. 

We are going to be in China in the summer and it's hot.  I plan on wearing mostly summer dresses/skirts.  I like skirts a little better than shorts in the summer, especially when going to adoption appointments.  For anything "official" like signing the paperwork at the notary office or going to the consulate, I generally wear a dress and my husband would wear a shirt with a collar.  I know it isn't a fashion show or about what you're wearing, but for us, these are important occasions with lots of pictures being taken, and we want to treat the day accordingly. 

What we don't skimp on -

1.  Medications.  I have a nice toiletry case that I have stocked with all sort of over the counter remedies for all occassions.  Hopefully, we need NONE of it, but we have it if we do.  I actually needed some cold/allergy stuff last year when we were in Taiyuan and I was glad that I didn't have to go to a Chinese pharmacy and hope they understood what I wanted.  Although...I really did great with scoring Lee some "Tinactin-like" stuff by pointing to his feet and pointing to my noise and making a yucky face.  I'm sure they thought I was nuts, but I got what we needed. 

2.  Diapers.  We're packing as many diapers and pullups as we can.  I'll buy diapers in China as needed but they're not great diapers, in my experience. 

3. Plastic bags of all sizes - ziplock bags, plastic grocery bags, etc.  I pack these in all of the available crevices of my bags.  They can be used to pilfer snacks from the breakfast buffet for later, pack toiletries/liquids, pack wet/soiled clothes, etc.  It seems like we always accumulate more rubbish that the hotel trashcan can accomodate. 

What we don't bother with -

Food, toys and hair appliances.  Although there is always a snack or two in the backpack when we travel, there is no mini-kitchen setup in our bags.  No peanut butter, oatmeal, mac & cheese cups or beef jerky.  They have food in China.  I've seen it.  Not afraid to go and find it.  We aren't dealing with picky eaters, food allergies or any dietary restrictions.  Maybe snack food "isn't the same".  We can deal with that.  I read a blog post last year where someone took an entire suitcase of ramen to China.  Yes, really.  To each their own.  The only food exception I make is small packets of instant coffee. I really need coffee first thing.  Yes, need.  Most hotel rooms I encountered in China had teabags - coffee was hit or miss.  I tucked a few of these in my bag and used each one.  Everyone around me was thankful I had that coffee...they maybe didn't realize it, but trust me. 

As for the toys, all of the playthings/kid entertainment fits in the boys' pre-school sized backpacks, with the exception of some inflatable shark toys I found on Amazon.  Inflatable toys are great for the minimalist packer.  None of the stuff I packed is expensive and it's new stuff that Zack hasn't seen.  If it gets left behind or broken...oh well.  We can find some cheap stuff in China for them to play with.  Last year at 26 months, Zack's favorite things to play with were the comb from the hotel toiletry kit and wet naps. 

I'm not that attached to any of my hairstyling appliances.  My hair is kind of curly and I wear it in a bun or a pony when it's hot.  I'm not going to deal with adapters or frying an expensive hair appliance in China.  I'm not taking Clorox wipes, dishsoap or duct tape.  I'm sure people have their own good reasons for taking these items accross the world...if you feel you need them, then more power to you.  Before I pack something, I ask if I need it or if I just want it. And sometimes just wanting something is OK.  I definitely don't need eyeliner, but I do take a small makeup kit.  When considering wants, I think about how much it weighs, how much space it takes up, what happens if I don't have it and can I buy it there. 

This bag packs down flat and sits in the bottom of my bag.  It can be used as a laundry hamper, a shopping bag or a pool bag. 

All in all, I think a good rule of thumb is to pack your suitcase and then take out half.  I consider my trip a success if I have used everything I brought with me and didn't have to scramble to find an essential item. 

My husband has watched me collect piles, bags, sort and organize over the past few weeks.  He's been watching me put things in suitcases that won't be going to the airport for another month - maybe more - without commenting on what he probably thinks is my OCD going in to high gear.  My sorting and packing and preparing aren't going to make the paperwork any faster or the waiting any more tolerable.  But it is something I can do, something I can control during the waiting that is so intolerable for me. 

If I could offer any words of advice as an experienced traveler it would be "less is more" with the caveat that you have to know your own comfort zones and sense of adventure.  Back in my overpacking days, I remember struggling to get two full bags and a carryon through the airport and this was pre-little kid.  Being on the move with a small person and their assorted paraphanalia is definitely made easier by lightening the load.  The lighter packing approach has definitely reduced an element of stress when traveling as a family. 

It has said that adoption is more of a marathon than a sprint.  I'm on mile 25 and I'm ready to get to the finish line.  Cheers. 

Adoption Acronyms - Take Your Choice

On May 20th, we were notified by our adoption agency, Wasatch Adoptions, that the China Center for Children's Welfare Activities had issued us our "Letter Seeking Confirmation" to adopt Kyle.  We know this in the "adoption circles" as a Letter of Approval/Acceptance.  LOA, LSC, L-whatever.  This means that China, after reviewing all of our paperwork, has made the official determination that we are approved to be Kyle's parents.  And that is a reason to celebrate!  Woo hoo! 

For those interested in numbers, we got a 28-day LOA, which is considered really fast - way outside the norm.  Perhaps it has something to do with this being a dossier re-use (which means that some of our paperwork from Zack's adoption is being used for this adoption) but there were many families who got May 16th letters.

We are on to the next step, which is another round of Homeland Security Approval.  After that, there is some visa/immigration processing for Kyle and then our final wait for Travel Approval.  Unless we run in to difficulties, we should leave for China in 6-8 weeks.  I'm calling the end of July. 

Zack's room is 90 percent ready to be a shared room.  Whether Zack is any percent ready to share is something that remains to be seen. I have a few more things to buy/hang up/rearrange, but we are nearly there. 

We got updated measurements on Kyle yesterday - he weighs 24 pounds and is 33 inches tall.  He is about 2 inches shorter and 7 pounds lighter than Zack.  If the measurements are correct - which might not be the case - Kyle is small for his age, but not alarmingly so.  All reports and photographs evidence a very healthy and happy child. 
We met Zack for the first time on August 26th 2012 - we're reasonably sure that we will meet Kyle before the 1 year mark.  We'd really like it if our boys' "Family Day" was around the same time. 
I was just thinking how things had changed for our family in the space of a short time.  Lee and I came to England in early 2011 as "empty nesters".  Laura has come back home and by the end of the year, we will have two new little birds!  Life is good and we are ready to be a "party of 5"! 
If you could keep our fundraising efforts and our grant applications in your thoughts and prayers over the next few weeks, we would appreciate it.  We've got some substantial expenses to shell out over the next month and our grant applications are probably a month plus from being up for review.  We have our two local fundraisers in early June that we are hoping are successful & we have our necklace sales/restaurant gift card sales still going on.  We will make it through...but the dollar signs are overwhelming.  All of the scrimping and scrambling will be worth it when we get that little guy home, though.  

So...are you ready to see our handsome little man?!?  I thought so!  Introducing Kyle!

Fundraising Rollup

It has been a little more than a month since we’ve started on our journey to raise funds to pay for the remainder of Kyle’s adoption.  We have applied for grants through Show Hope, Gift of Adoption, the JSC Foundation, Lifesong for Orphans and Frank’s Fund for the Fatherless.  We have received confirmation that our applications are being processed from everyone except for GOA and we are hoping to hear something from them soon.  Frank’s Fund has told us that they would be giving us a small grant in June that we hope will offset the cost of airfare for one of us.  We are very thankful for their support.  You can read about their organization below.  I admire the woman who runs this foundation very much.  The Lifesong grant is a “matching grant” where our ability to get funds depends on the donations of others.  This is pushed through the church community with the hopes that families in the church community will contribute to the adoption, therefore benefitting us while raising awareness about orphans around the world and the adoption process.  I’m really praying and hoping that we will get some good news!

http://liveyourloveloud.org/index.html#/franks-story/

I’ve put all of my Thirty-One commissions directly in to our adoption account – order some bags, people!  They’ve got really fun prints for summer – who doesn’t want a beach bag with a flip flop pattern?  My website is on the left of this page. 

We’ve had some marginal success with our Jubilee’s Jewels fundraiser and the CoupAide gift cards – see links below.  I am still hopeful that the necklaces will sell a little better than they have been, but I think that is because the meaning behind the pieces/parts of the necklace are so intensely personal to me.  The message of the necklace represents who we are, and I would love to see all of my loved ones wearing this. 

http://jubileesjewels.com/service-family-community

http://coupaide.com/deal/robbins-adoption-fundraiser/

We are doing a couple of events in our community in June that we are hoping will be the “biggies”.  We’re doing a bingo booth at our local country fair and we’re also doing a “Ladies Night” in our village.  A wonderful friend with lots of fundraising experience is helping us put this all together.  Basically, we rent a public venue (which the Sismey family has so graciously gifted us) and set up “vendor” stalls with products that appeal to women – bags, shiny stuff, cosmetics, hair/nail services…you get the idea.  We charge each vendor a small fee to participate and ask that they consider donating a raffle prize.  We then advertise the event (we are in the advertising stages now) and sell tickets.  For three pounds (that’s about 5 bucks), entrants get a glass of wine and some nibbles.  We sell additional drinks and raffle tickets and hope people have a good time.  We’ve had a lot of donations so far, and a couple of vendors who have offered to donate portions of their commissions to our funds, which is so very nice.  It promises to be a fun evening and I’m very nervous and excited about it all at the same time. 

http://www.facebook.com/events/129035243957719/

It was a struggle to get to the place where we were comfortable with adoption fundraising, and I am still not to that place, honestly.  I don’t think I ever will be.  Lee and I have lived our entire life centered around service to others, in some way, shape or form.  We have always gotten a lot of satisfaction and enjoyment out of giving to our community and to helping others – it is how we met and try to live out the concept of servant leadership every day.  It is very humbling to be in a place where we’re accepting the generosity of others for something so personal as adding a child to our family.  I only hope that those who have contributed or will contribute will feel enriched and blessed by being a small part of our journey.  For those who contribute by wishing us well, asking about our process, saying prayers for us and providing moral support as we wait to become a family of five – thank you.  No price tag can be put on those contributions. 

So…that is where we are with the fundraising and ways you can contribute/support if you would like to do so!