And we’re off!

I’ve been meaning to write another blog post ever since we received our travel notice. It seems like after all of the many months of waiting, that things are moving very quickly. We leave on Wednesday on Emirates Air through Dubai and arrive in Beijing late morning. For those of you who might be skeptical at our choice of airline – Google them. Pretty posh, even for us in the cheap seats. 

Here is our itinerary:

Wed – Leave London

Thurs – arrive Beijing/rest

Friday – Tour of Great Wall, Forbidden City, Tianamen Square

Saturday – Tour of Summer Palace, Hutongs, and lunch at Hard Rock Café Beijing.

Sunday – Depart for Taiyuan (Capital of Shanxi Province) via bullet train. This is about a 3 hour trip. 
 

Everything above this point has been “optional”. We decided to see the sights because we have the opportunity to do it. We need a couple of days to get over the jet lag before we take responsibility for a toddler, and last, it’s an important part of Doodlebug’s heritage that we’re going to be able to experience. 
 

Sunday – Arrive Taiyuan. Doodlebug is from Yuncheng City, which is further south in the province, but all Shanxi adoptions are finalized in the capital.

Monday – Gotcha Day (see FAQs below)

Tuesday – Finalize Chinese portion of the adoption

Wed-Thurs – Free/sightseeing days

Friday – Pick up Chinese passport and fly to Guangzhou
 

We will spend the next week completing the U.S. portion of the adoption – mostly immigration/citizenship stuff. We also have to check in at the UK Consulate because he will need a British visitor’s visa. We will have quite a bit of downtime in Guangzhou as well. A group of families on the same adoption timeline as we are will be in GZ with us and we’ll have an opportunity to get together. Many of us have connected via Facebook and other forums online over the past several months and it will be fun to meet and see everyone with their new kids. We cannot leave GZ until we get the appropriate paperwork from the U.S. consulate there. We will depart directly  from GZ and come back to London through Dubai. 

FAQs-

Will you get to visit with your new child before he is officially adopted?

No. Gotcha day is literally what it sounds like. The officials give you the child (who probably isn’t thrilled with the situation), you sign some paperwork and you go back 24 hours later and finalize. The 24 hours is technically a waiting period. If for some reason we were to change our minds about adopting Zack, we could do so during that period.

Will he be a U.S. Citizen?

As soon as he enters the United States, the sealed paperwork we get at our consulate appointment in GZ will be activated and he will officially be a U.S. citizen. He will take the oath of citizenship while we’re in GZ (actually, we take it for him as his parents). While we are traveling, he is going to be considered a Chinese citizen, because he will have a Chinese passport with visas to enter the U.S. and the U.K. We have six months to bring him to the U.S. to complete his naturalization - and that will be instantaneous as soon as he clears U.S. customs.

Will he speak any English?

We get asked this a lot. From what we understand, Doodlebug has normal language development for his age – but he does speak only Chinese. He lives with Chinese foster parents in a remote part of China. He probably will not have heard English spoken before he meets us.

Does he know he is being adopted?

We hope he is being properly prepared, but it is impossible for us to know. We sent photographs of ourselves and our home several months ago, and we’ve sent two care packages to him while we’ve been waiting. That said, I’m not sure how you prepare a 2 year old for this. Important to remember, we have been waiting for him but he has not been waiting for us, and he will probably find the situation to be stressful at first. Some children adjust very easily and some grieve more intensely. We won’t know until Gotcha Day, and we are hoping for the best. We have a backpack full of cool toys and snacks we plan to take for Gotcha Day and hope that will help. The young are resilient. We might go through a rough bit at first…please keep us in your thoughts as we go through this journey.

Why do you have to stay in China for so long?

We cannot leave Doodlebug’s province until we receive his Chinese passport and we cannot leave Guangzhou until we receive all of his visas and medical clearance. There is a lot of downtime on the visit, which we can use for sightseeing, shopping, visiting with other adoptive families and…most important, playing with and getting to know Doodlebug learn how to be a couple with a small child versus just a duo. Although this isn’t a vacation, we are excited to be going on this trip and want to experience all that we can of China. Much of that will depend on how his adjustment is going.

What happens when you get home?

Hubs will return to work about a week after we get home, and I will stay home until October 1^st. Doodlebug will be going to day care in our town when I go back to work.  I will be taking him in small doses so that he can get used to “school” and being there with me and being there for short periods before he has to go to full time nursery. We hope to make a trip to the U.S. before the end of the calendar year to get the rest of our paperwork finished and visit our family. 

 We “locked” Doodlebug's file on November 7^th, 2011.  We will leave China with him as our son on September 7th, 2012. This has been a very long process but good things are worth waiting for.  Thank you for following our journey - we hope to have exciting things to post in the coming days. 

A's A's and More A's...OH MY!

So.  For those of you who have been living on another planet for the past year or so, let me share something with you.  Adoption acronyms contain A’s.  For instance:

PA – Physician’s Assistant?  Pennsylvania?  Oh, that is just silly.  PRE-APPROVAL.  That means that China said we could proceed with Zack’s adotion!

LOA – Letter of Admonishment? Letter of Appreciation?  Oh, poo poo. That actually means Letter Seeking Confirmation!  Why we call it an LOA and not an LSC – well…I have no flipping idea.  Sue me.  I know lawyers. 

TA – Tuition Assistance?  Title and Artist?  How silly would that be?  It means TRAVEL APPROVAL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  So.  For those of you who know me well who can picture me doing a victory lap with the U.S. Flag around the track – well picture that.  This means that we are invited to China to finish our adoption.  And you guys know we don’t go where we aren’t invited.  OK.  Lies. Total lies. 

So. After TA, what do we have – well, friends at home, we have a CA – which stands for…..drum roll…not California…CONSULATE APPOINTMENT!!!!!!!!!!!!!

So.  We have been invited to the China to pick up (and exit with) a certain little guy that currently goes by "Mao Mao".  We’re totally thrilled about that. 

More later…I will leave you with a shot of the sea of paperwork that has become my life….and yes…I will be really happy to taken on all the below:  snot monsters, closet monsters, potty trains, interrupted sleep, and whatever whatnot this adventure throws at me.  I have just bought myself another 20 years of kissing boo boos, nagging, organizing carpools…and I’m LOVING THAT.  Cheers, people.  I’m a boy mom now.

AND THE PRIZE FOR MOST OFTEN ASKED ADOPTION QUESTION GOES TO:

”How much longer”?

I have decided that we are traveling on August 23, so that is what I have started telling everyone.  I just need the paperwork to fall in line with this, and honestly, at this point, expectation of going wheels up on this date isn’t unreasonable.  Right now, we are waiting on the U.S. to complete their processing of Doodlebug’s visa to enter the United States.  Once the State Department says “China, we’re done”, that tells China that they can issue the “Family, come visit our country and make sure you exit with this particular child” paperwork.  That is an overly simplified version, but that is what is going on.  Our “Article 5” – this is what the visa paperwork is called (do not ask me why)is picked up, then we get in line for the “Travel Approval” wait.  Our Art 5 will be picked up on 18 July, this we know for sure.  TA takes up to 3 weeks, although most families are getting theirs a little quicker right now.  Once we get TA, our adoption agency will secure for us a CA – consulate appointment.  This is the appointment we have with the U.S. authorities in Guangzhou (gwan/joe) China at the end of our adoption trip and this is what triggers all other travel arrangements.  Clear as mud?  I thought so.  So, lots of moving parts, but things are fairly predictable from this point on. 

I don’t mind answering the “how long” question, but the answer is long!!!  And hard to understand!  It makes perfect sense to me…I could recite the entire IA process to you in my sleep, but hey…I am a pro at this now. 

Doodlebug has officially entered the terrible two’s now.  I had really hoped we’d have him home for his birthday, so we could have at least been a small part of his “one year old years”.  He was 17 months old when we received our PA – AKA green light from China to adopt.  The referral pictures we saw were of Doodlebug at about one year or so.  It has been a blessing and a curse to watch our boy grow up in pictures and we are very excited to be the ones taking the pictures very soon!  And we will be!  We received our travel visas today...not to be confused with his  visa to enter the U.S. (see above).

I've also attached some pictures of Doodlebug's "birthday party".  He is thriving and growing.  We are not sure whether or not he has been moved back to the orphanage or not.  Most of the children in Shanxi province are in foster homes/group homes.  They are transitioned back to the orphanage about a month prior to the adoption in order to ease their transition to their new family.  We are not able to tell what the deal is from the pictures...but he is healthy and seems relatively happy.  The report says he's not receiving any special care for his "disability" but his hand appears to be growing with the rest of his body, which is good.  He is described as "sometimes obstinate" and he seems to have a sweet tooth.  His caretakers say his favorite foods are fruit and sweets.  He cries when he is sleepy and when he is cranky, his caretaker cuddles with him or takes him outside.  He should fit in well around here. 

               Hello Birthday Boy!

         I wonder what he thinks about all of this?

      The other kids look so excited for the treat!

King of Cake

                                                      

                                                          Every time they send us pictures, they make him hold out his little hand for inspection.  Ugh. 

Enough with the picture taking, ladies. 

                                                         

So…how long?  Not much longer.  Trust me…if you’re anywhere near my friends list, share my DNA or family tree or in my zip code…you will know when I know something more.  But thank you for asking about Doodlebug…it really does mean the world that people are interested and happy for us.

Waiting on the NVC - Now what the heck does that mean, Jill???

Someone recently asked me “is it hard to adopt”?  This was a casual question asked by a couple we met while on vacation.  Polite conversation turned to our upcoming adoption.  After the initial “why China/you’re so noble/the child is so lucky” comments, the woman asked me “is it hard to adopt”?  I can’t remember just how I answered, but the question has weighed on my mind since it was asked. 

We’re to the point in this 1+ year-long process where we can see light at the end of the tunnel.  As I sit here and type this, we’re waiting on the National Visa Center to complete their processing of our final adoption paperwork on the U.S. side so we can get in line for the big T to the A…Travel Approval.  This is the “magic document” that triggers all of the dates, appointments and arrangements that will bring us face-to-face with this child that we've waited so long for.  Not too much longer…probably about another 6 weeks. 

So.  Considering we’re near the end, I again consider the “is it hard” question.  That is a hard question to answer.  It has definitely been an exercise in patience.  I am not a patient person.  I want everything to happen exactly when I want it to happen, which is usually right now…sometimes even yesterday.  The last year has been one of endless paper chasing, form filling outing, and waiting.  We track down documents, fill out forms, and wait.  Once we’ve reached a milestone, we fill out another form and wait again.  There is precious little about this process I’ve had control over.  So the waiting and the lack of control – yeah, that has been hard.  For a more chillaxed, go with the flow kind of person…maybe not so much. 

But really, what is so hard about this process?  Is filling out a form that hard?  Has waiting really been that hard?  It hasn’t been pleasant, but while we’ve waited, we have lived life.  Good things have happened.  While I wish Doodlebug could have been part of our lives for the past 14 months, I can honestly look back on the wait and say we haven’t wasted it being miserable because we’re waiting.  We’ve taken advantage of our time without a little one in the house and done some things that won’t be feasible with a toddler in the home. 

Our wait has also brought connections with many other parents in the same boat as us.  These connections have been a blessing and a lifeline, and although I am excited beyond words to meet my son in a few weeks, the thought of connecting with a few of the moms on our adoption timeline that I correspond with every day and share my thoughts with is also pretty awesome and exciting. 

Our wait has also brought frustration in the really stupid things that people say in response to our decision to adopt from China at this point in our lives.  I recently posted on some comments and questions that we get in response to our choice, but the list continues to grow.  A couple of people have suggested that I “pick up an extra” for them while I’m in China.  Um…I’m not going to the corner store for a loaf of bread?  And for those who have asked if I’m trying to be like Angelina or Madonna?  Really?  Um….sure, minus the acting/singing talent and the gazillions of dollars.  Maybe there will come a time when I will have just heard everything and develop a tolerance for these kinds of comments, but I’m not there yet. 

So back to the question, is it hard to adopt?  I say it is not hard but it is also not easy.  It’s not for the faint of heart.  It is an exercise in tolerance and patience.  People expend their time and energy on things that are important.  And for us, this is important. 

My musings are my musings.  It’s a snapshot of my perspective at one moment in time.  We’re almost done and I’m weary…but I’m really excited.

P.S.  The pictures I've added just for fun are:  1 from our recent cruise of the Western Med and 1 from our weekend in Cardiff, where we ran in to a lovely family we know at the train station. 

L to the O to the A

LOA LOA LOA LOA LOA LOA LOA!!!!!!!!!!!!

 If I were super smart and could make dancing, wavy letters, I would do it.  So, picture me doing the wave. 

LOA, you say?  Letter of Appreciation?  Letter of Admonishment?  Line of Accounting?  I wrote in an earlier post that LOA stands for Letter of Acceptance.  Although technically, it is called a Letter Seeking Confirmation, so that would make it an LSC…but we call it an LOA.  Makes total sense, right??  Ha!  Told you that there were a lot of acronyms in adoption. 

LO whatever…so what does this mean?  This means that the government agency in China that handles international adoptions has formally approved our application to adopt Doodlebug.  We received PA – pre-approval – back in November to proceed with the adoption.  We completed our home study and compiled our dossier, which is a collection of documents that introduces us to China as adoptive parents.  There is another post in here about our dossier preparation, which took us about 3-4 months.  Anyhoo….once the dossier is compiled and authenticated by everyone except Santa Claus, it is sent to China to be logged in.  We waited almost 30 days for a LID – Log in Date – and another 72 days for our LOA.  Basically, this just means that the adoption authorities in China have reviewed our dossier and found that it is A. Satisfactory and B. that the info in the dossier matches the documents we sent for PA (that’s pre-approval, keep up). 

72 days is a long time.  So, what is next?  We have submitted our I-800 to the USCIS, which is a “Petition to Classify a Convention Adoptee as an Immediate Relative”.  We had to sign something that stated we were aware that he didn’t have a job.  Yes people, our kid is a slacker.  This will take 2-3 weeks to approve.  We hope to hear something in another week or so.  The forms have to go to a lockbox in Dallas “for security reasons” and then 10-14 days later, they land on our immigration officer’s desk in Missouri.  Did you know they’re bringing back the Pony Express?  After our officer reviews this, we get another form and fill out another form to get Doodlebug's U.S. visa started.  He will enter the U.S. on a Chinese passport and will become a U.S. citizen as soon as he clears immigration on the airport. 

After he gets his visa paperwork started, our stuff is sent to the U.S. consulate in China, where it will wait until we get there.  We will then receive a TA – Travel Approval – which is an invite go to China to finish the adoption.  We’re working on our Chinese visitor’s visas right now.  So yes, this is a lot of paperwork.  I can barely keep it all straight. 

Best guess, we are looking at middle August to travel, if we don’t get smacked with any substantial delays.  We waited longer than we’d anticipated for our LID and our LOA, which added about an extra month on to our wait time. 

It is definitely a time to celebrate!!! 

Top 10 Adoption Questions/Comments

Actually, Top 8, but Top 10 sounded way cooler. Who's counting, anyway? OK, so no question is a dumb question, right?  I’ve put together a list of questions/comments I’ve gotten in response to our decision to adopt from China.  Some are pretty fair, some make me want to roll my eyes and some are potentially offensive, but I’m usually pretty good natured (so far) in explaining this stuff.  Here we go.   

 “Are you going to tell him he’s adopted?”

We are leaning towards yes.  Hello?  Like that won’t be obvious?

 “Are you going to teach him to speak English?”

Yes.  He will be 2ish when he comes home and probably will still be learning to talk.  We plan to speak English to him, since this is the only language Hubs and I speak well.  No comment to the one person who asked if he would learn to speak Klingon.  You know who you are. 

 “When the Chinese take over the world, you will be safe”. 

I won’t even pretend I understand this comment.

 “What’s wrong with him”?

This one is mildly irritating, but I let it go.  Since we are open about the fact that we’re adopting under “China Special Needs”, people are curious about what that means.  Doodlebug has a congenital deformity of his right hand – a birth defect that we don’t expect to limit him.  The “Special Needs” is a label the China program has adopted (no pun intended) and we don’t plan to use that term in relation to our kid. 

“How much does he cost”?

He is free.  The shipping/handling/processing is not free.  There are various fees associated with document authentication; social worker/agency costs; fees to the consulate and Homeland Security for immigration processing; an orphanage “donation” and of course the travel costs.  If you are considering adoption, I will gladly share with you.  If I think you’re just being nosy about our finances, I might deflect your questions.  I mean really, do I go up to the mom of a newborn and ask her about the cost of her prenatal care? 

“They should pay you to take him”.

I have no idea how to politely respond to this.  If you’ve asked me and I seem uncomfortable, it’s because I just don’t know what to say to this type of comment.  Of course I wish this process were less time consuming and costly, but it is what it is.  I try very hard not to complain about it because it doesn’t do any good or make things easier for us. 

 “Why are you adopting a Chinese baby when so many American babies need good homes”?

Several reasons:  First, there are not “so many” American babies available for adoption.  Most adoptions are either open (birth mother selects the adoptive parents before birth and expect some sort of contact throughout the child’s life in addition to funding certain expenses for the birth mother).  There are also adoptions that stem from foster care, but these are usually older children and are often in sibling groups.  For various reasons, these do not work for us.  We also explored Eastern Europe and Ethiopia and found the China program to be the best fit for us.  The Chinese program is stable and the birth mothers are generally healthy, non-drinkers/non-drug users.  The cost of the program and the logistics (amount of trips to the birth country/time spent in the birth country were more lengthy for other countries) was most manageable for us.  We realize this child will not look like us.  See question 1. 

 And finally, my favorite, “You are a saint”.

 

Yes, I realize people who say this don't know me very well.  We are adopting because we want to be parents.  We are not "do-gooders" and we don't see this as "rescuing a child".  While he will most assuredly have a better life with us, we will also have a better life because of him.   

Yep, Edinburgh again!

I signed up to run the inaugural Rock and Roll Edinburgh half some months ago.  This was my sixth half marathon, so running 13. 1 miles is not an entirely new concept for me, but since my various injuries and moving to dreary, rainy England, my training has kind of gone in the toilet.  So, I signed up for the race thinking I would actually train…but not so much.  We got on the train on Friday (race day was Sunday) with my longest training run coming it at a whopping 4 miles.  My plan was to walk/run and have fun and enjoy the trip and the company.  Honestly, if we hadn't have made the travel arrangements and prepaid months ago, I'd have stayed home.  SO glad I did not.  It was a BLAST!

We took the train from Newmarket with our friend Debbi and Wes.  Train travel is the way to go.  We had to change trains twice, but the trains were very clean and comfortable (the 4 hour leg from Peterborough to Edinburgh had a bar car) and our door to door was about 6 hours. 

Lee with his refreshment on the train!

We met up with John and Tina from Virginia (friends of Debbi and Wes) and my friend Marguerita from here in Mildenhall and her friend Kacie.  Fun and diverse group of people and we had a GREAT time hanging out.  We saw a bit more of the city than we got to see in December, enjoyed some better weather and longer days and had a great dinner at a pirate themed Italian restaurant.  Yes, that’s right.  The concierge at Marguerita and Kacie’s hotel recommended it.  Café Roma, I think.  When we first went in, I felt underdressed…it seemed pretty upscale and I was in cargo pants, a fleece and sneakers.  It was a very nice place.  But, I looked around and noticed that there were all of these crazy skeleton’s dressed like pirates everywhere.  The food was amazing – great pre-race carb load!

The "Last Drop" Pub in Grassmarket

Pre-race yummy-ness!

I really wasn't kidding!

I actually did well at the run.  I had told myself I’d do a 4/1 walking/running mix.  I pretty much ran the entire way, at a slower pace than usual, and I allowed myself to walk through the water stations and through wardrobe adjustments.  Yes, I am usually that girl who tries to keep running while pouring water down my throat and taking off my outer layers.  There were hills, oh yes, there were hills.  But the scenery was beautiful, the skies clear and the race was amazingly well organized.  My clock time was 2:31, which is a bit slower than my normal.  I’ve gone from 2:10 to 2:25, but I’m happy.  I had a lot of fun and I didn’t’ feel too bad after.  I’ve done a little light running this week and I’m re-motivated to go out and start running a little more.  If I run another overseas Rock and Roll event, I get a special “World Rocker” medal.  And you know, I do like the idea of telling people I am a world rocker.  Just sayin’. 

Running Friends - me, John, Tina, and Debbi

More running friends, me, Marguerita and Kacie.  The token picture with my eyes closed. 

Mile 9 - I'm having so much fun, see?

Maybe not as much fun now...here I come!  Around the bend is the FINISH LINE!  And food!

World Rockers! 

My honey and me at the finish line!  I love him because he let me hug him even when I stunk. Well, other reasons, too.